Everyday life can make it difficult to maintain a happy marriage or relationship, especially when you become parents.
The regular date nights are a thing of the past, and the idea of romance and excitement feels a distant memory as you're fully embedded into family life - nappies, bottles, bath time, bedtime routine, school run, packed lunches, after-school clubs and everything in between.
More and more parents are realising that quality time together away from the kids is essential not only for their own mental health but to help them sustain a successful marriage. Whether you're in danger of heading for divorce and desperately looking for a way to save your marriage, or you want to keep your relationship strong and happy, more and more people are looking to more creative ways of finding and keeping happiness.
Enter 222 rule!
Table Of Contents
What is the 222 rule and how does it work?
The 222 rule has become a popular method of helping couples invest time in their relationships, giving them a framework to spend quality time together more often and space to enjoy each other's company away from the kids.
It's a simple rule to follow...
- Every two weeks you have a date night
- Every two months you head off on a weekend getaway
- And, every two years you go on a week-long vacation
Importantly, the thing to remember about this rule is that it's more about encouraging you to spend more time together as a couple, rather than needing you to follow it strictly. Some people find two weeks, two months and two years don't fit their schedules or their budgets, so choose their own frequencies.
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The 777 rule
Another option open to married couples is the 777 rule.
A very similar - but more intense - concept, the 777 rule encourages couples go on a date every seven days, a night away every seven weeks, and a holiday just for them every seven months!
5 essential date night ideas
Have date nights every two weeks
Spending time together this frequently is probably going to feel quite weird at first. Many of us fall into the trap of having date nights every few months (or even longer...!). So when faced with a date night every two weeks, you need to think of 26 date ideas.
We're not going to bore you with that many. Instead, here are five key date night ideas you have to do at some point.
Go to a fancy restaurant
Forget the kid-friendly menus (and prices), it's time to get dressed up and head to somewhere fancy.
Take a class
Whether it's learning a new language, getting creative with a new craft or anything in-between, you'll have plenty of fun together, it will help your relationship thrive, and you'll get a new life skill out of it.
Beach walk
A walk along the beach listening to the waves, having a deep conversation - maybe coupled with a sit down on a picnic blanket watching the sunset, with your spouse borrowing your sweater as it gets a little chilly - is a staple romantic date for any relationship.
Try something new
Trying new things is a great way of building fun into the rule and your marriage or relationship. It doesn't matter what that new thing is - it could be a cuisine neither of you have ever eaten before, or a particular activity that is totally out of your comfort zones.
Visit the first place you kissed
What better way to recapture your relationship than visiting the place your relationship started?
It'll make for a wonderfully nostalgic-yet-romantic date, and you'll no doubt be sharing some of our favourite memories from the start of your relationship.
Ideas for a weekend getaway
Have a weekend away every two months
If you're struggling to think of ways to spend a weekend away every two months, here are some ideas for you.
Spa break
This is probably our suggestion for the first weekend away. Use this first opportunity to totally relax. Then you get look for more fun!
What better way to relax, connect with your spouse, and revitalise your relationship than a spa break?!
Be sure to book in a mix of individual and couples' treatments so that both of you get something out of it, as well as something together.
Activity weekend
If there's a particular of activity or hobby you both like doing, but aren't able to do it because the kids are too young, this is your chance!
Maybe you need to head to the coast for some surfing or paddle-boarding, to the woods for some beautiful forest walks, or to the mountains for some hiking and rock climbing.
City break
Let's face it, a weekend exploring some of the world's best cities doesn't scream fun when you have young children. But it's something a lot of us adults love to do. So book yourself a cheap flight and somewhere to rest your head after a long couple of days exploring the wonderful sites and sounds of a new city.
You could always combine it with some kind of special activity. In 2023, my wife and I travelled to Lisbon to see one of our favourite bands in concert. Although we were mainly going for the concert, we decided to make it a two-night stay and use the extra time to explore the city.
There's also the opportunity to play games to determine where you go and what you do. Maybe throw a dart at a map to decide where you travel to - there are plenty of fun games to help you figure it all out.
Weekend at home
That's right, the weekend doesn't even have to be a weekend getaway. Rather than you and your partner going away for the weekend, you could arrange a weekend-long sleepover with relatives or close friends.
It's a great way to spend time as a couple in your own home, and it's a brilliant money saver!
The week-long holiday
Have a week-long holiday every two years
This is definitely the part of the rule that will feel most challenging to parents, for two reasons.
First, parents going away together is quite a new concept, and it goes against the societal norm that parents should live for their children and nothing else. You're likely to struggle with feelings of guilt, and to be honest, some people may judge you for it and won't think twice about telling you.
In 2022, my wife and I went to Croatia for a week and left the kids at home.
We weren't following the rule at the time - we had never done a sun/beach holiday in our 11 years together, it was the year we were both turning 30, the kids were young enough that they wouldn't feel like they were missing out, and we had another holiday booked for the whole family a couple months later (you can read what I learn from that holiday about travelling abroad with young children here).
I definitely remember a mix of reactions when I told people we were going alone. Some (generally older parents) gave a judgemental look, others were more supportive and thought it was a great idea, and plenty of jealous younger parents who told me they wish they'd thought of it!
Secondly, a lot of families are feeling the squeeze of the cost of living crisis, so the thought of being able to afford a summer holiday for the family seems crazy enough, let alone adding the expense of adding a separate vacation for you and your partner.
And no one is suggesting that you should go on holiday and have the children miss out altogether.
If you can afford a whole week away, as well as a family holiday so the kids don't miss out, this is your chance to explore the world. Think about where you and your spouse have always wanted to go. We often compromise on certain things when we take our children away - Is the room nice? Is the pool good? Is there plenty to keep the kids entertained? Will the kids eat the food? Yep. Book it - this is your moment to do exactly what you both want to do.
FAQs
Do we have to follow the rule exactly?
Absolutely not. The rule is there for guidance and is designed to encourage you to spend time together more frequently. It doesn't matter if you miss a date night here or there or maybe choose to have a fun night in as your date night. And we know that many couples can't afford a weekend away every two months.
The key thing is helping you and your partner stop the cycle of being just parents, helping you get back to being a married couple (or partners, if you're not married), making spending time together a habit. And, ultimately, the point of the rule is to help your relationship thrive.
We can't afford a week long vacation for the family, and we're not comfortable going away without the kids. What do we do?
The final '2' is definitely the most challenging on two fronts. Firstly, many couples struggle with the idea of going on a week-long holiday without their children out of guilt. And secondly, money is tight for a lot of families. It's totally understandable that you wouldn't want to go away yourselves while unable to afford a family holiday for everyone.
Should we feel guilty about following the rule?
It's totally normal to feel guilty when you first starting spending time together more often. Date nights usually become fewer and farther between we have children so it's going to feel a little alien to start with.
However, it's important to remember that your relationships need quality time. You and your partner have your own marriage and your own lives. It's easy to forget that as parents.
Will other parents judge us for spending more time together without the children?
Honestly, it's very possible. It's been drummed into us for so long that our children must come first in absolutely every aspect of our lives. And while that is true in some respect, our happiness is also reliant on our ability to be our own person and invest time in our relationship.
However, following this rule (even loosely) not only helps you strengthen your relationship, it gives you time to refresh and reset as a parent. It's no secret that people find they're better parents when they do make time for themselves and their relationship.
