Whether you're hoping to save your marriage or just want to maintain a healthy relationship, many couples are turning to a 30-day marriage challenge.

Married life is tough, especially when you're parents. Kids, money, work, running a house, social lives - they all take our focus away from our partner. Over time, our feelings might change or we might not get as many opportunities to show our partner how we feel.

Left unchecked, your once happy relationship could spiral through the stages of a dying marriage, and you could soon be wondering how to save your marriage.

But what is the 30-day marriage challenge and how does it help to build a stronger marriage or relationship?

What is the 30-day marriage challenge?

First, let's take a look at what the 30-day marriage challenge is...

The 30-day marriage challenge is, well... a challenge lasting 30 days designed to help couples build a stronger marriage.

Download the full challenge, save it to your device and send it to your partner...

Each day encourages people to take a brief moment out of their day to forget about the stresses of daily life, and make a little effort to show their partner that they are loved and connect. The challenge is usually filled with all the things that make a good marriage - showing gratitude to each other, spending time together, showing affection, and more.

We've specifically geared this 30-day marriage challenge to parents, helping them to create time for their marriage among the hectic schedule of

The 30-day marriage challenge is often targeted at a wife, encouraging them to show affection to their husband, to show him she's grateful. And it is often suggested that whoever is taking the challenge should do it secretly, rather than share the exercise. The hope is that, by the end of the 30-day challenge, both partners notice a difference in their relationship.

However, there's no reason why a husband or boyfriend can't take on the 30-day marriage challenge. Nor is there any reason why a couple can't take the challenge together.

How to save your marriage in 30 days

So you've decided to take on the DaddiLife 30-day marriage challenge for parents. But what does each day involve?

Let's get started...

30-day marriage challenge day 1 - Ask how you can help

A good place to start, day one encourages you to ask your partner how you can be helpful to them today. If could be running an errand they don't have time for, cooking the evening meal, or something as simple as carrying something heavy from the car.

They might be a bit surprised and wonder why you're asking. If they do (and you're keeping the challenge a secret), just explain that you want to be helpful.

And be sure to be a good listener. Listen out for any indication of wider problems or challenges she may be facing at the moment. Maybe she's asking you to run a particular errand that she never has time for. Maybe it's something you could take off her hands full-time, rather than just as a helpful one-off.

30-day marriage challenge day 2 - Wake up early to make your partner breakfast

Between getting the kids ready for school and yourselves ready for work, the morning can often be a stressful time. Making the effort to wake up early and make breakfast - whether it's an extravagant avocado and eggs on toast with a nutritious smoothie, or a simple tea and toast - will go a long way to helping your partner start the day on a good footing!

30-day marriage challenge day 3 - Tell your partner three things you love about them

We all need compliments; so that we feel good about ourselves and to help us feel appreciated. They help remind us that we matter.

If your wife or partner has been feeling self-conscious about something recently, try to focus on that. Maybe she's complained that her skin isn't looking very good recently, maybe she's having a tough time as a mother and doesn't think she's doing a good job.

It doesn't have to be about her appearance or her ability as a mother, either. It can be anything - funny, wise, supportive, confident.

Whatever they are, your partner will loving hearing three compliments from you today.

30-day marriage challenge day 4 - Spend an evening together without tech

Whatever you choose to do with this time is up to you, but the important thing is that it's free from any tech. That means no 'Netflix and Chill', no burying your head in your phone and phubbing your partner, no video games. No tech.

You could use the time to have a long uninterrupted conversation like you used to when you first started dating. You could play a board game, read together, do some DIY or crafts. Or, you could focus on intimacy...

We've also got a 30-day intimacy challenge for parents for you to try!

30-day marriage challenge day 5 - Take over a chore you know they don't like

We all have chores that we don't like. Sometimes we divide them up for each person, other times they just become our chore. For me, it's the bins. We never decided I would be the bin person. It just became my job. And I hate it.

If there's a chore you know they hate, just do it for them. Don't triumphantly announce that you're going to do it for them like you're some sort of knight in shining armour. Just do it. And then when it's time to do that chore again, do it again. And again.

30-day marriage challenge day 6 - Go on a date night

Remember those from when you first got together? A fancy restaurant where you can talk to each other for hours, a trip to the cinema, a nice walk. Whatever it is, this is your chance to get a babysitter in and make tonight about you both and your marriage.

30-day marriage challenge day 7 - Wake up early and have breakfast together

Sometimes when we have a date night with our partner, it's easy to slip straight back into 'normal' family life the next morning. Family life and couple life are very separate and we often struggle the blend them together.

Waking up early the night after a date night gives you both chance to spend more time together and talk about the night before, all over a nice breakfast and a cup of coffee.

30-day marriage challenge day 8 - Spend time just kissing

When was the last time you just kissed each other? And I'm not talking about a quick peck as you say goodbye to each other as you start the day. I'm guessing the answer is a while ago. Because we're so short on time together, it's often the case that any kissing immediately leads to more intimacy.

But it doesn't have to. Spending time together, just kissing, is a great way to reconnect physically.

30-day marriage challenge day 9 - Learn about your partner's love language

Although the concept was first theorised in the early 90s, love languages have only become commonplace in recent years. If you're not familiar, a love language is the way a person receives and expresses love. There are five in total, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, and quality time. And understanding which is your partner's love language could be key in expressing your love in the right way - ultimately leading to a closer relationship and better marriage.

Just learning what each love language is can be enough. You may have read those and immediately thought 'my wife's love language is ____'. But that's not always the case, if you need to, spend some time observing her reactions to different ways to expressing love.

30-day marriage challenge day 10 - Watch your partner's favourite movie

I sometimes think the key to a happy marriage is having the same taste in movies! But the reality is that approximately 74% of an adult relationship is spent deciding what movie to watch.

Nothing says true love like sitting down to watch your partner's favourite movie when it's not your type of movie, especially if you make it a special evening (make it a home cinema, get some cinema-style snacks in).

Don't forget to switch off your phone and watch the movie. Talk about it. You never know, you might end up liking it too...!

30-day marriage challenge day 11 - Make a packed lunch and slip a love note inside

Not only will your partner appreciate you making the effort to make her lunch, they'll get that added explosion of affection when they find a little love note inside.

It doesn't have to be anything long, just a quick compliment or a reminder of your love will do.

30-day marriage challenge day 12 - Create a new shared goal for the future

Maybe you've achieved everything you set out to when you first started dating or the relationship started getting serious - you're married, you have children, maybe you've progressed to the level you wanted in your career or you're earning a certain amount of money.

This is great time to think about your future and pick a new dream, and help solidify your vision of marriage.

30-day marriage challenge day 13 - Spend time watching your partner

This is something I try to do fairly regularly. We get so caught up in our everyday lives that things often pass us by. Every now and again I like to stop what I'm doing and just watch my wife doing whatever it is she's doing; reading a book, playing with the kids, working.

I'll be honest, it's usually met with a suspicious 'What?'. But once I explain that I'm just taking some time to pause and appreciate her, it's usually followed with a 'ahh that's sweet'.

30-day marriage challenge day 14 - Talk about your favourite memories together

There's nothing like looking back on all the good times and special memories you've shared together to bring a husband and wife together. It's a great one to do when you're having an evening without tech, or you could use your phone as a stimulus, looking back at old photos.

It also makes for a great pillow talk conversation....

30-day marriage challenge day 15 - Make your partner's favourite meal

This is a wonderful chance to bring the kids into your marriage challenge, depending on their age. The kids will have plenty fun and love cooking for mum or dad, and your spouse will definitely see the romantic side.

In fact, this activity is a great way of showing you that your marriage and life as parents can overlap. They don't have to be separate things for separate times. It is possible to parent and be romantic at the same time.

30-day marriage challenge day 16 - Give your spouse a massage

Get some candles and some fancy body oils, put on a spa playlist and help your partner to let go of all her stresses with a good massage. This might be a good one to mix up the schedule and keep in the bank for a particularly stressful day.

Have it last at least 30 minutes, and be sure to ask where you should focus your efforts.

Word of warning... I once bought 100 tea lights for my wife's massage. She whole thing was a surprise, so I confined her to the bedroom while I set everything up. 100 tea lights take a long time to light!

It's important to remember the point of this massage isn't so you get one in return, or for it to lead to something else... it's to help your spouse relax!

30-day marriage challenge day 17 - Plan a trip together

Have you ever heard about the 222 rule? It's a rule a lot of couples, especially parents, use to ensure they get regular time together as a couple without the kids. That's right. Without the kids.

In a nutshell, you go out on a date every two weeks, a night or weekend away every two months, and a longer holiday every two years.

So, this is your time to sit at the laptop and plan your first trip under the 222 rule. You could take the opportunity to head to your dream holiday destination, somewhere special you've visited together in the past, or search the world for somewhere new.

30-day marriage challenge day 18 - Give your partner some time to themselves

A lot of parents suffer with guilt when they want to do something for themselves. But it's vitally important for our own mental health, the happiness of our marriage or relationship, and the quality of our parenting.

So, tell your partner to arrange something for themselves. It could be catching up with old friends, getting some exercise, shopping... it doesn't matter what it is, the point is that you give your spouse the time and freedom to have their own space.

30-day marriage challenge day 19 - Ask your spouse's advice on something

It could be a work problem, what to wear to an event, a disagreement with a friend... whatever you want.

A marriage means you probably know your spouse better than anyone else. Asking for their advice on something shows them you place a huge amount of value on their opinion and their input.

30-day marriage challenge day 20 - Go on another date

What's this a second date in a matter of weeks?! Remember we just talked about the 222 rule...

You'll be amazed how good it feels not waiting another six months before you go on another date. Try to switch it up, though. If you went to a fancy restaurant for the first date, maybe have a walk along the beach or do an activity she's always wanted to try.

Be sure to take a few snaps of you both!

30-day marriage challenge day 21 - Ask each other deep questions

Another great 'after date night' activity is to sit down on the sofa and answer some deep questions. It's important to make this another uninterrupted conversation free some phones and tech.

Having an in-depth conversation like this really helps you both to connect (or reconnect) on an emotional level. Sometimes, we have so much going on in our own life that we fail to notice how our spouse's life is changing.

If you're stuck on what to ask, luckily we've got a list of 50 deep questions to ask your girlfriend/partner/wife before and after you have kids.

30-day marriage challenge day 22 - Buy (or make) their favourite drink

This works particularly well for a hard day, whether it's a long day doing DIY at home or a stressful day of deadlines and meetings at work.

If it's something you can make at home, they'll love the personal touch. And if it's something you need to go out and buy, they'll love the effort you've gone to for them.

30-day marriage challenge day 23 - Tell them they make you the happiest man in the world

If your spouse makes you happy, tell them. It's one thing we often take for granted that; our spouse knows they make us happy. But how are they supposed to if they don't hear it from you?!

So, today, take a moment to tell them how much joy they bring to your life, and how you're the happiest man in the world because of them (and the kids, just in case they're in ear shot!).

30-day marriage challenge day 24 - Kiss them as soon as they get home from work

Let the kids rush to the door to say hello to mum, let the dog bound around in excitement. Then, when things have settled down and she's dropped her bags, give her a kiss and a warm embrace that says 'I've missed you today, I love you and I'm glad you're home'.

30-day marriage challenge day 25 - Spend an evening in the bedroom

By this point, your marriage is probably feeling the difference and benefit from the 30-day challenge. We'd be amazed if there wasn't at least a bit more intimacy by now, but now it's time to really focus on it.

Once the kids are definitely in bed and asleep, head up to the bedroom for a few hours. While you've no doubt used the past few weeks to connect emotionally and mentally, use this time to connect physically. Really take your time to explore each other's bodies. Maybe you could try something new - whether it's new positions, introducing toys or enacting a fantasy.

30-day marriage challenge day 26 - Buy them a small gift

I'm not talking flowers, and it doesn't have to be anything expensive. Just something unexpected, just for her.

It might be something she's had her high on for a while, a piece of clothing she pointed out in the window display a couple of weeks ago, or maybe a little pamper kit to help her relax.

30-day marriage challenge day 27 - Book tickets to a concert

Music has an incredible ability to bring people closer together. Maybe there's an artist you saw together when you first started dating, or one you haven't seen since the kids were born, or maybe it's an artist you've both always wanted to see!

Or maybe maybe, your partner hasn't seen their favourite artist in concert before and you're not a huge fan. Marriage is about compromise and taking them along so they don't miss out is a gift in itself!

Whatever it is, heading to a concert is a brilliant date night to have in the diary and gives you something to look forward to.

30-day marriage challenge day 28 - Take photos of her being mum

One gripe a lot of mums have is that their husband or boyfriend doesn't take enough photos of them with their children. Now, obviously we're not suggesting you spend hours glued to your phone, but try to grab some photos of her with the children, especially if you're doing a family activity.

She'll really appreciate having more photos of her with your children, you'll both have more photographic memories to look back on, and, like cooking a favourite meal with the kids, it will help you both to realise that you can have a loving, romantic relationship and be mum and dad at the same time.

30-day marriage challenge day 29 - Gift a photo album of your relationship

The beauty of modern technology is that we always have a camera AND a place to store photos in our pockets. But realistically, how often do we look through the thousands of photos on our phones?

Having a physical photo album is a lovely, sentimental way of sharing those memories, right from your very first photo together, through the dating phase, when you moved in together, marriage and life as parents.

30-day marriage challenge day 30 - Write a love letter to your partner

A love note or a love letter is the stereotypical romantic gesture. An outpouring of all the things you love about your spouse, how grateful you are to be with them, the memories you hold together and the future you're heading towards, the opportunity to tell them that they are your world (and the kids, obviously...).

We've purposefully put this last because we wanted you to wait; to follow this challenge day-by-day and see the difference it makes to your relationship and your own life. If you've truly grasped the point of this challenge, we can assume that you're ending it with a much deeper love, affection and appreciation of your spouse than you started, even if you already started in a good place.

If you've done this challenge in secret, you could use the letter to 'come clean' and explain everything you've learned about yourself, your partner, your marriage and your life together over the past month.

Download the full challenge, save it to your device and send it to your partner...

Can the 30-day marriage challenge help to save my marriage?

The 30-day marriage challenge is designed to help bring couples a bit closer together by making daily affection, affirmation and spending time together a habit.

While it can certainly remind couples of why they fell in love, rebuild intimacy and even just be a helpful way of reintroducing fun into the relationship, there's no guarantee it can save your marriage.

Doing the 30-day marriage challenge when you have kids

I'm sure the first thing that comes to mind as a parent is 'how on earth am I supposed to do this challenge when the kids are in the middle of everything?!'

One thing a challenge like this does as a parent is make you create and carve out time for your marriage; to make time for marriage a daily habit; whether it's a carefully planned date night or a brief moment between you both; to help parents realise that they have their own life beyond being parents.

Yes, some days will be trickier than others simply because you're parents. You might have to reschedule one of the challenges or swap it for something else, but you'll get to it eventually.

FAQs

When should I start the 30-day marriage challenge?

This is totally up to you. There's no right or wrong time to start the 30-day marriage challenge. Certain activities are usually spaced apart so that you can time them to suit you, particularly on weekends when you might be more likely to have a date night.

Do I have to follow the challenge exactly?

No, you can always tailor the 30-day marriage challenge to you, your partner and your relationship. For example, let's say neither of you like watching movies - a movie night might not be the best activity to do together. Or you might find that a particular challenge falls on a tricky day. You can always swap it for another day, or swap out the activity for something else altogether.