The first year of fatherhood can be wonderfully soul-lifting and utterly awful. It's full of perfect moments, and equally terrifying ones.
You can do everything in your power to prepare for fatherhood, but the way that being a first time dad can be awe-inspiring and deeply frustrating (all within an hour) can still take you by surprise. And you've probably learned that in the first few weeks after you baby arrived.
But to be forewarned is to be forearmed. And there are plenty of ways to make sure the brilliant bits outweigh the moments of madness.
Every new father wants to be an awesome dad. So, we've called on the experiences of the DaddiLife team, the DaddiLife community, and scoured the internet to bring you the best advice from fellow dads.
We can't promise to give you all the answers but we've got plenty of amazing new dad tips for you.
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Table Of Contents
What to expect as a first time father
Perhaps the best advice is to expect the unexpected. But more specifically, here are some of the joys and pitfalls you're likely to face in the first few weeks and months after your baby arrives.
1. Don't forget to enjoy the little moments
You'll be swept up in big changes as a first time dad. Time flies and before you know it, your new baby will be toddling around trashing everything so enjoy the quiet moments too like @thelifeofrileyfamily - “This has been my view for most of the afternoon. Perfect."
2. Nappy changing will feel relentless (and you'll see lots of colour)
@thedididad observes - “Why do babies always wait until just after you’ve changed their nappy to do a massive poo?”
Matt Orlando of therunnerdad.com explains: “Newborn poop. Like Skittles, it comes in a rainbow of colours (just don’t “taste the rainbow”). From green to brown to yellow to orange to even blue sometimes, you never know what you’re going to get.”
With potentially 6-10 nappy changes a day you’ll get pretty good at this, as shown here in 24 hours of a newborn by Christian at howtobeadad.co.uk.
3. Don’t be tempted by unnecessary stuff
Dadtastic Voyage tells us: “You don’t need to spend huge amounts of money on items to ‘help you’ look after your baby”. His blog tells you about new baby things you definitely CAN live without. Don’t be convinced that any product will magically make things easier, because it will only hurt more if it doesn’t and you’ve wasted the money.
4. Bonding may not be an instant thing and that’s totally ok
Raymond Baxter talks about the first time he held his baby as a first time father: “He did eventually try and look up at me, (but) it wasn’t like the movies where there was an insta-bond, he sort of looked up at me in a half asleep “what the hell are you?” type gaze. Our bonding took a few days.”
5. The doorbell is NOT your friend
You may want to consider limiting any visitors for the first week or so, especially if your partner had a traumatic or difficult birth. Friends and family will be dying to see you and your new baby, but don't be afraid to say 'no' until you're ready.
Image: CherryLaneInteriors
Also, you could scribble a note (or buy a fancier sign) to stop people ringing the doorbell or knocking the door, and disturbing baby's sleep.
6. No matter how tough it gets, it’s 100% worth it
The start of your child's life can feel like the hardest battle. The early days are filled with sleepless nights, crying, and mood swings - so much so that there's a risk of postpartum depression in dads. But in the end, it's all worth it.
@daddy_to_triplet_girls explains: “You will have tough days and sleepless nights, but when your baby is laying on you and you can smell them and hear their heartbeat you will realise it’s all so worth it and how lucky you are.”
7. You won’t always make the best decisions but the mistakes make great pictures
Prime example from @youthedaddy: “Throwback to that time when our Greek hotel room only had a shower, so we thought it would be a good idea to give Teddy a bath in the sink…”
8. Learn to become a sleep ninja
Matt Orlando of therunnerdad.com explains: “Newborn poop. Like Skittles, it comes in a rainbow of colours (just don’t “taste the rainbow”). From green to brown to yellow to orange to even blue sometimes, you never know what you’re going to get.”
9. You'll deal with A LOT of tears
Your baby will cry to communicate, your partner's hormones will be all over the place, and you'll be dealing with a lot, too. The best thing you can do is be there to support your partner, whatever it looks like.
10. Baby sick really isn’t so bad
A lot of new parents make a big deal of baby sick. And, as a first time dad, there’s a good chance you’re going to see a lot of it. But it genuinely isn't too bad. Most of the time it’s not been in that little tummy for too long so just focus on it being milk….
11. You may experience some pretty strong feelings
Meeting your baby for the first time brings up some pretty strong emotions but don’t forget there are many more milestones to come. When you first bring them home, be prepared for the weirdest mixture of fear, excitement, joy and inadequacy….it’s quite a concoction.
One of those feelings may well be....
12. ...Guilt
It's easy to think your role as the father to a newborn is to be the hero, doing everything you can take care of your child and support your partner. Are you doing enough? Are you around when you should be? Are you actually making a difference? You may find yourself feeling guilty in a way you never imagined, as you try to balance work after your parental leave, time for yourself and your new role as a dad. Be reassured; you’re certainly not alone.
13. Stock up on coffee
Coffee will get you through. At times, it might feel like you can't function with out, especially when it comes to the night shift!
14. Your child will self harm
Your little one will almost certainly start scratching. It can feel like they're trying to scratch their own face off sometimes. So make sure you have plenty of scratch mitts (or baby grows with built-in mitts).
15. Cars really are baby sleeping machines
A lot of other dads spend time driving their baby around in the dead of night. Why? Because babies seem to love sleeping in the car.
16. Food glorious food
If you didn't do any batch cooking towards the end of pregnancy, try to carve out some time for it. The last thing you want to do is keep reaching for your phone to order another takeaway. Or, you could enforce a 'hot meal' rule for any visitors, asking them to bring some home-cooked food with them when they come over.
17. Upgrade your phone
You’ll take a million snaps in the first year. When you are papping your baby until it goes crossed eyed you'll be glad your camera phone is top quality. And plenty of storage is a must.
18. It will take time to get used to your new sex life
It's highly unlikely that your partner will be thinking about sex after a birth for a while. She's been through an intense physical trauma and it can take a long time to recover. Two thirds of new parents try sex within eight weeks after birth, but it can take up to a year to return to your pre-baby sex life.
Check out our guide on talking about sex after birth.
19. You’re about see parenting gadgets in a whole new light
Before you became a dad, did you even know what a Squirt Spoon was!? Well, you’re about to.20. Get the doctor on speed dial
If this is your first child, you will fret about your baby’s health a lot of the time. Your local doctor will know you by your first name. You’ll have NHS Direct on speed dial. This anxiety is natural, but as we’ve mentioned before, it’s usually unnecessary. Baby’s look fragile and delicate. In reality they’re often tough as old boots.
First time dad skills you'll learn
These pieces of advice for new dads will give you a whole bunch of good habits to tackle the challenge us dads face on a daily basis. It’s like going back to school - except there’s only one teacher and they just threw up on your suit.
21. How to distract a breastfed baby when there’s no available boob
A top tip from @papa_pukka: “If you don't have a dummy or lactating nipples, but do have a nose, this can buy you up to 20 seconds of Happy Infant Time.”
22. Burping
Some top tips here from Brett McKay at The Art of Manliness.
23. You’ll create your own dad hack for calming a crying baby
Every dad finds their own very special way to calm their baby. That may be by singing, rocking, pulling faces or perhaps you’ll master the “Tiger in the tree” hold shown here by Dad about town.
24. The ability to function on VERY little sleep is about to be mastered
You just will get things done, even if you might feel like this...
25. You’re king of the household chores
If you didn’t do many house chores before, you’ll now be a hoovering, washing and cooking machine. But hey, if you do it, do it in style - like this dad - @Sunfire28
26. You’ll learn to balance the most important things, in all the wrong ways!
From clothes through to food, and even milk like @Thebeardcommission.
27. Any cleanliness obsessions will soon be forgotten
Pre kids you may not have been comfortable sleeping until the home was perfect. Now, you just don’t care!
28. But you may develop some new ones
We know, it sounds like we’re contradicting ourselves, but it can go one of two ways. You may be too tired to care about anything. On the other hand, you may become obsessive about making sure doors or locked, plugs are switched off and fires are out. Or something as innocent as flushing the toilet...
Being a parent is getting upset with your spouse because they flushed too loud and it might wake up the baby. #DadLife #paternityfraternity #DadSquad
— Matthew (@mattchewpantss) March 8, 2018
29. You'll become a photography wizard
Taking the right photo isn’t just about that time and place, it’s also a frame of mind.
30. You’ll become a multitasking extraordinaire…
Especially with the aid of a baby sling, as Dan Jackson shows us.
31. You’ll learn the very best sleep position - the snuggle!
It may cause you to get up later than usual, as @thatchamdad shows us.
32. Master the dad joke
Becoming a dad for the first time means taking on the time-honoured tradition of telling dad jokes. You are to keep your family entertained, amused and often appalled from now until the end of time. Your baby won't understand what you're saying, but it's great to get some practice in before they grow older.
33. Create your man cave
A 'man cave' used to have a bad rep, but in an age of self-care the man cave has found its place again. No matter how much you love becoming a dad, you need to remember that you are your own person. You have your own hobbies and interests, and need to spend time on your own. Both you and your partner do. You can still take time for yourself AND be a great dad at the same time.
Creating the Dad bond
Some first-time dads will feel that bond as soon as their baby arrives. Heck, some expectant dads feel a strong bond with their baby while they're still in the womb. But, for some, it takes a while longer. And that's okay. But here are some amazing tips to help you build or strengthen that bond with your baby.
34. Skin to skin contact
Embrace that skin-to-skin contact in their first few hours and days. There’s nothing quite like dad’s heartbeat to say hello to the world, as @yoee_baby shows us.
And there's no reason to stop this after the first few weeks. Skin-to-skin contact continues to have many benefits as the months go by, helping to calm your baby and help you bond.
35. Learn to love the carry...
@daddy_freckle shares his love for baby carrying - “I am a massive advocate of these things because they provide me the opportunity to be close to Edith, allowing us to bond whilst saving my back.”
If you haven't got your hands on one yet, check out our guide on the best baby carriers for dads.
36. Spend time doing baby massage
Not only is it super calming for both you and your baby, it's a super bonding experience.
“Massaging my little ones, with a dollar flask of baby oil and some gentle mom/dad hands is one of the best memories I have from our first weeks with our kids," as described by Serge Bielanko.
37. Finding ways to hold and calm your baby
It’s massively satisfying being the one who calms the baby mid-meltdown. Here’s how:
38. Just spend time
One of the best and easiest ways to create a bond is by simply spending as much time with your baby as possible. If you work you can still do it. It takes effort and sacrifice, but it’s worth it.
39. Play it out
As your baby starts to move and grow, get playing. Make it fun, make it silly, and make it a real quality dad time. Just be warned, things can turn weird really quickly, as Zen found out!
40. Sweet dreams.
Even as they grow (quickly), a sleep in dad’s arms never gets stale @WimbartHope.
41. Bonding with a premature baby is just as important
Going through premature birth is challenging all round. As your little fighter is growing, the dad bond is just as important, even in the simplest of ways, by @thepremdad.
42. Quiet time
Dad time doesn’t have to be boisterous rough and tumble time. Just sitting and chilling with your baby can be wonderful (and the chilling won’t last long, so make the most of it!). They’ll sense your presence, keeping them safe, and be happy in companionable silence (for two minutes).
43. Don’t sweat it
He hasn’t smiled at you. She only wants mum when she’s upset. Sometimes he barely seems to realise you’re in the room. We’ve all had these thoughts in the first year of our children’s lives as first time dads. Don’t worry. If you’re committing time and effort, you are bonding with your baby, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
44. In fact, creating the dad baby bond may just be great for the entire family!
That’s the unsurprising conclusion of a new Australian study, but the research – published in Infant Mental Health Journal – takes our knowledge of father-baby bonding in a new direction. It suggests that forging a good bond early in the child’s life increases the wellbeing of the whole family.
Dad's new activities
Aside for the fundamental stuff - keeping baby safe and fed - the following is likely to be an opportunity for new activities together one time or another.
5. Get down to their level
Your baby spends a lot of their time viewing the world from ground level. They love it when you get down and dirty too. Hit the floor dads!
46. Explore local clubs
If you need inspiration, there’s probably loads in your area for dads (and mums) and babies, from baby zumba to baby yoga and much much more!
47. Reading rules!
Read to your baby. It’s good for them and it’s good for you. In fact story time can be the most relaxing and magical time of the day.
48. Bath time is splash time!
For you, having a bath or shower is functional. But bath time is playtime for your little one. Put toys in the bath and let them splash, fill and pour. Just accept the inevitable: you’re going to get wet.
49. Get chatty
Sometimes doing the best by your baby just means hanging out and chatting. Seriously, they might not be the best conversationalists, but your baby is most likely listening to everything you say. The more you talk the better, as Mr Dad explains.
50. Sing!
Whatever their age, your kids will be soothed by your singing voice. And that’s true even if you sing like a strangled cat. When they’re old enough, encourage them to join in with clapping, drumming or shaking a baby rattle.
51. Take them swimming!
It’s ace. They love it. So will you. And they’re never too young to start.
52. Instil an appreciation of the finer things.
That’s a dad job. Maybe save the lesson on the delightful craft ales of central Europe for a few years, though.
Your new dad survival kit
Don’t leave home without this little lot. Hell, don’t leave the room without this little lot.
53. Teething toys - a must
Around the house or out and about, if your baby is teething keep the required teething toy near at hand. While you're here, check out our guide to teething.
54. A change of EVERYTHING
If you take a baby outside, anywhere, take a change of everything. You’ll need it. And as Dad or Alive explains (possibly with swearing), sometimes it’s best to bow to the inevitable and just chuck the old stuff out.
55. Cold and flu remedies
Always keep cold and flu remedies close at hand. Not for the baby. For you. Taking care of a baby is tough at the best of times - it’s an absolute beast if you’re under the weather. You the Daddy has some advice on what you’ll need…
56. A sense of humour
We're not talking dad jokes for this one. Things won't always go to plan. Life with a newborn will often go wrong, but there's no sense in losing your rag. Expect it, accept it, and try keep smiling throughout!
57. Weather proofs
Rain proof clothes in winter. Hats and sunscreen in summer. In fact, before you go out anywhere, check the weather forecast. With a baby, any trip out can be ruined in an instant by a sudden change in climatic conditions.
58. Snacks
For the baby, for you, for the ducks...After nappies, age-appropriate snacks are the most important item in any survival pack. Nothing distracts an unhappy child like feeding, whether that’s themselves, their daddy, or any passing wild fowl. Forget the snacks at your peril!
59. Water bottle
Water is essential, and especially as they get older you'll want to pack a kids water bottle that doesn't leak, can hold a good amount, and can set you up for the day ahead.
60. Reading material
Keep a copy of your baby's favourite book in your baby rucksack at all times. In cafes, on trains, in shops, in fact anywhere, a good book will give you ten minutes respite from the grouching (and possibly save your sanity).
The first part was for the baby. Now get one packed for you. Grab any opportunity you can, even if it means reading one of your books for new dads again!
61. Wet wipes
For goodness sake, don’t forget the wet wipes. Like, ever!!
62. Your sense of wonder
Seriously, these sweet times don’t last forever (even if for the moment it feels like they do). Make the most of them.
63. Random stuff.
You know your child better than anyone, so after the essentials it’s really up to you what you take to keep them amused (and keep yourself sane). But here’s a few suggestions (some more serious than others...).
1 comment
Great round up. Thanks for joining in with #ThatFridayLinky