Paternity leave: How to talk to your employer about paternity leave

Paternity leave should be something every soon to be father looks forward to. But, sadly, it can be a point of stress for many.

You're overjoyed at the news your going to become a father and you all you can think about is the moment you get to meet your little baby, and spend as much time as you can with them.

Partners share childcare duties more so than ever before. And yet paternity leave laws are so often stuck in an era where the baby's mother is the primary caregiver while the father is goes out to work in order to provide.

The unfortunate reality for many, however, is that depending on where you are, your individual circumstances, and the employer you work for can leave you feel anxious about having the conversation with your employer.

We've put together this guide to help you navigate telling your employer and how you can ask for different types of paternity leave

Firstly, you need to know what you’re entitled to. 

What are the paternity leave laws?

The paternity leave you're entitled to very much depends on where in the world you live.

In the UK, the law states that new fathers - whether having a natural birth or adopting - are entitled to one to two weeks paid parental leave. There is a qualifying period for this - you have to have been working for your employer for 26 weeks (continuously) up to any day in the ‘qualifying week’ (i.e. the week your child’s expected due date falls in).

Whilst on paternity leave, all your employment rights remain unaffected. You accrue holiday and are eligible for pay rises.

In the US, new parents are eligible for up to 12 weeks per year, by the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). How this is unpaid, and not a legal requirement. It tends to be offered as a benefit by companies.

You must have to work for an employer that is covered by the FMLA, and have worked for that employer for at least a year, prior to applying for leave. Your company must have 50 or greater employees. You are eligible to use PTO/sick pay to get paid for some of this time - but again, employers aren’t required to accept this.

Different companies and States often implement their own parental leave benefits. For example, California offers paid parental leave. 

Check out our guide for more information of paternity leave laws around the world.

How to approach your employer about paternity leave

As of April 2024, in the UK you'll be required to inform your employer that you're having a baby at least 15 weeks before your child's due date. Failure to do so could leave you without the right to take paid parental leave.

If you're not already aware, or it's not accessible in an employee handbook, start off by telling them the good news and ask about the company's paternity leave policy.

If your employer doesn't have enhanced paternity leave policies, you'll be entitled to the standard one or two weeks of paid paternity leave. As of April 2024, new fathers will be able to split their statutory paternity leave provisions into two blocks and at any point in the first year of your child's life. So rather than being forced to take a single period of leave within the first eight weeks, you'd be able to take a week in the first few weeks after your child's birth and another week a few months later.

While employers are able to offer longer paternity leave to their employees, they can also offer enhance pay. Currently the statutory rate of pay for paternity leave in the UK is £172.48, or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower). Fortunately, many employers are waking up to the reality that offering better paid paternity leave is a big part of keeping new fathers happy in their jobs.

Make sure you understand how much you're going to be paid for your paternity leave so that you're not left with any nasty shocks when the time comes.

You are also eligible to take (unpaid) leave to attend 2 antenatal appointments - so if/when you know these dates, book them in!

Applying for Family and Medical Leave

In the US, if you're eligible, you have to apply for FMLA leave at least 30 days before you intend to take it. It allows you to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in different blocks.

So, you could could a couple of weeks of paid family leave in the first few weeks after your child's birth, followed by another two weeks at regular intervals throughout the first year. Or, you could take 12 weeks in one go.

Be sure to have the conversation with your employer, first, however. Try to work out what works best for you both. While you may be entitled to take up to 12 weeks in one go, leaving your employer in the lurch at relatively short notice could affect your working relationship going forward.

How to speak to your employer about extending paternity leave

Becoming a father is a magical time, and one that you never want to end. So many new fathers talk about how much they struggle leaving their partner and new baby after just a week or two to return to work.

So, you may wish to increase your paternity leave, especially in the knowledge that boosting paternity leave will provide economic benefits.

There are a couple of different ways to approach your employer about extending your paternity leave.

This approach is different to utilising Shared Parental Leave in the UK or FMLA leave in the US (where you’re using an official policy). Instead, you're asking to extend your statuary paternity by a week or two, which will generally be at the agreement of your employer.

You could either ask if you can use part of your annual leave allowance to extend in, or offer to take a period of unpaid parental leave.

Jon from the DaddiLife teams recalls his paternity leave experience with his first-born:

Do it early

Although you'll soon be required to inform your employer 15 weeks before the due date, it's wise to have the conversation earlier if you can.

Starting that conversation earlier will help you both to come to an agreement that works for you both, and may increase your chances of them accepting extended leave.

Approach it like you’re applying for flexible working

Before you have the conversation about extended paternity leave, you need to consider the impact this will have on your employer - because that may be a determining factor in how your request is received.

It's always a challenge for an employer to lose a member of staff for a period of time - that's why they often hire someone on a short-term basis for maternity leave cover. And while you're not likely to be off work for several months, your absence will still have an impact.

Showing your employer that you're aware of this impact, and considering ways to minimise that impact ahead of the conversation will certainly help your cause.

Consider:

• Explaining why you want extended leave

• How are your responsibilities to be covered while you’re away?

• What can you suggest to minimise the impact of your absence?
  

Be open to negotiation

The agreement has to benefit both parties. They may want to be open to your request but it needs to work for them. They might come back with alternative proposals, which you should be prepared to listen to. With open conversation, and a structured proposal and reasoning, you should be able to come to an agreement.

How to speak to your employer about Shared Parental Leave

Shared Parental Leave (SPL) was launched by the UK government in 2015. It was seen as the flagship parental leave policy, allowing new mothers and new fathers to split their paid family leave.

However, the policy has often been labelled as confusing and take-up has stayed consistently low.

Employers rarely discuss it as an option, or perhaps don’t know much about it themselves - 25% of fathers don’t know it exists-it seems to be a rarely used mechanism for helping parents share time to help build a family.

In essence, Shared Parental Leave allows you to use some of your partner’s maternity leave. They have to end their allocated time early to allow you to do so, and you have to pass some eligibility tests (these are time and money based - most parents should qualify).

As with asking for extended paternity leave, having a plan and minimising the thinking your company needs to do is key to making a successful application for Shared Parental leave.

• What suggestions do you have for minimising your absence while you’re on SPL?

• Have you spoken to other members of your team who may be able to help?

Shared Parental Leave must be taken within a year of birth (or adoption). There are other ways of utilising it, as holiday is accrued on both maternity and paternity leave - so you could get creative and take a few weeks of SPL (you) and holiday (her) to increase your time together.

How to speak to your employer about flexible working

More and more employers are aware of the benefits of offering better paid family leave to all parents. However, what happens when paternity leave is over and you return to work?

Many parents find that their old 9-5 routine in the office five days a week just doesn't work for them anymore. Thanks to long commutes, they barely see their baby. And suddenly the job they loved a few months ago is starting to feel restrictive, not allowing them to be the parent they want to be. In some cases, it can lead to a lot of stress, anxiety and other mental health issues. 

Flexible working has become more accepted since Covid pandemic when the majority of the workforce needed to work from home. Some employers recognised that it represented a significant change in the future of how we work, however others have pushed back against remote working and flexible working, almost forcing employees back into the workplace.

That doesn't mean you can't look to change how you work. In the UK, you have a legal right to make a flexible working request, and all employers are legally bound to consider flexible working requests 'in a reasonable manner'.

There are various types of flexible leave available to you:

Job sharing - You and someone else share the responsibility of a role. E.g. you and another parent have the same role but work different days, or times of day.

Remote working - Reducing the hours you work in an office or designated place of work, this is primarily done to avoid long commutes and increase the time spent at home.

Part time - Reducing the number of hours you work in a week to a part-time level.

Compressed hours - Working the same number of hours over the course of a week, but in fewer days. For example, you might work 8am to 6pm Monday to Thursday, and take Fridays off.

Flexitime - You have different working works, while still working 'core business hours'.

Staggered hours - Your start/finish/break hours are different to the rest of the company. For example, the company operates 9am to 5pm, but you work 11am to 7pm.

Annualised hours - Rather than defining your working hours over a week, you have a number of hours expected over the course of a year. You typically need to work some core business hours, but otherwise have totally flexibility over when you work.

It's important to recognise that the method of flexible working you request may depend on your family and financial situation.

Submitting a flexible working request

When making the request to change your hours you’ll need to put it in writing. Some employers require a specific form to be filled in. You can either write a letter, or email.

This application has to include:

• The date

• A statement that this is a statutory request

• Details and an explanation of how you want to work flexibly and when you want to start

• An explanation of how you think this might affect the business, and suggestions on how this could be dealt with.

• If you’ve made a previous application, and if so, when.

The company then has three months to respond to your request.

As a parent, you should hopefully find that they’re open to accepting your request. If not, they are required consult with you about why. This may involve discussing alternative options.

You are eligible to make two flexible working requests in a 12-month period.

FAQs

What is paternity leave?

Paternity leave is a period of leave taken by new fathers and other parents after the birth of their child. For parents in some countries, this is a legal right. However, many countries have no parental leave programs or laws.

Can I take unpaid leave to extend my paternity leave?

Providing your employer is open to the idea, then yes, you can take a period of unpaid leave to add onto your paid leave.

What is the Family and Medical Leave Act?

The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is a federal law in the US that entitles eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave within a year. This can be taken following your child's birth, for serious illness, to take care of a spouse or immediate family member. You need to have worked for your employer for at least a year and it must have at least 50 employees.

What about paternity leave for same sex parents?

Any relationship in which a woman is having a baby, she will be entitled to full statutory maternity leave while the other partner will be entitled to two weeks of paid family at the statutory rate.

In case of adoptions, qualifying parents can take up to 39 week's Statutory Adoption Leave - the 'primary adopter' must take at least two weeks, however, they can utilise Shared Parental Leave or transfer up to 37 week's of Statutory Shared Parental Pay to their partner.