New Year is a time for reflecting on the year that's been and looking forward to the year ahead.
And while you may be thinking that this year will be the year you get back into shape, or you'll finally learn to play that guitar you bought years ago, a lot of dad spend time thinking about how they can be a better father to their children.
That's not to say you're not already a good father. Your children may think you're the best dad in the world, but we always looks for ways we can improve; striving to be better and set a good example for our children.
So if you're struggling to think of any new year's resolutions this year, we've got a few up our sleeve for you. They might not make you any richer or better looking, but they may help you to become an even better dad.
Happy New Year!
Table Of Contents
1. Be present with your children
This may seem a pretty obvious one but in the digital age in which we live, with so many distractions, it's so easy for time together to be absorbed my a WhatsApp message here and a scroll through Instagram there.
So, when you're spending time with your children - whatever the nature of the activity - be present. The best way to bond with your kids, no matter what age they are, is to truly be there. Communicate, talk, listen, singing, reading.
2. Give yourself a break
This may seem a bit counter-intuitive - here we are saying most men spend this time of year thinking about how they can be a better dad next year, and now we're telling you to give yourself a break.
That's because we have a tendency as involved fathers to beat ourselves up about everything, especially in the era of social media and family influencers. We're living in a time where the roles of a father are vastly different to our predecessors. That can leave us confused about what a loving father looks like and whether or not we do enough.
Am I spending enough time with the kids? Am I a good role model? What do the children learn from me? Why can't I provide that life for my family? Am I really valuing my time as the kids grow up? Am I fun enough for them? Do I teach them to respect and love the people around them?
It's impossible to be the perfect dad. But that doesn't mean you're not a great dad already. So give yourself a break and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Make a point of thinking about all the things you do brilliantly.
3. Pick your battles
If you've got a young one (or young ones), arguably the best resolution you could make this year is to pick your battles.
There are going to be tantrums, there are going to be bad moods, there are going to be frustration and tired days. You can win every argument with an angry toddler if you really want to. But the effort require will cost you dearly. So don't bother! Focus on the important ones and leave the trivial stuff to sort itself out (especially if you've got two or more children!)
So...she won’t eat the carrot sticks, won't drink water - even from her favourite water bottle, and refuses to use cutlery? Don’t sweat it. She’ll come round eventually.
He screams when you try to put jeans on him and only wants to wear jogging pants? Well, they are comfy. You have to give him that.
4. Make time for you
We often speak about postpartum depression in dads and other mental health issues. And a common theme among all those discussions is that you need to make time for yourself and practice self care.
How can you expect to be a good dad or have a healthy family life if your own personal life isn't healthy? You're a loving father, yes. But that's not all you are. You're your own person and that person needs to be allowed to exist to be a good father.
We know it's hard. Between caring for the children and work, you've probably never been busier than you have right now. But even a short time every week can go a long way. It might be getting some exercise, spending some time in your man cave (or building your man cave!), or going for a drink with friends. They'll make you a happier, more relaxed dad.
5. Be more childish more often
Many parents struggle with the idea of letting go of their inhibitions and getting down to play time with their children.
We know that toddlers toys and games can sometimes be a bit boring - especially when they want to play the same thing over and over and over and over again. But jumping feet first into whatever game they've got in mind is a great way of building a better relationship with your children. Kids love when their dad joins in their fun and games. But you can't be half-hearted about it! Let go, toss away any worries of what people might think and focus on your kids.
6. Kick your partner out
Not literally. We're not advocating breaking up a marriage or relationship.
Sometimes it’s great to spend some alone time with your child, just you and them. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking you have to do everything together as a family. But in reality, it's important to foster the individual relationships in your family.
Being the only parent on hand will help you to live in the moment, be resourceful, imaginative and observant. You might notice things as your kids grow that you wouldn't normally.
So, send your partner off for a spa day, a nice walk or a run, or a shopping trip - something for them! It's important that they get their time, too. Equally, encourage the other parent to spend time alone with your kids so that they can help their bond, too.
7. Listen more
Do less talking to your child this year, and more talking with them. Parents respecting that their children have their own voices will see them grow up with stronger confidence and self esteem.
Listen to what they have to say and how they see the world. Sometimes we think about our children's lives differently when we see the world through their eyes.
Listen to them talk about the things they love (and they things they don't). You really get a sense of how their mind works when you sit back and have a conversation with a child.
8. Find a new hobby to do with your kids
We often pick new hobbies as new year's resolutions for ourselves, but few parents choose it with their kids. Perhaps this year is a great chance to find a new activity or hobby for you to do. If you've got more than one child, it could be a hobby to do with them both or, in the interest of spending one-on-one time with your kids, a separate hobby for each of them.
Depending on their age, you could get into hiking to spend some much needed time in nature, you could learn to play a new instrument together, or buy a telescope and start stargazing.
FAQs
How do I know if I'm a good dad?
This is probably the number one question men ask themselves once they become dads. There's no such thing as the perfect dad, but there are a few things that will certainly help you to recognise that you're a good father.
You're a father who spends time with his children, shows them affection, treats them with respect, provides a secure environment for them, while teaching them the difference between right and wrong.
Above all, if you're a father who shows his children he loves them, you're probably a good father.
Why do I feel guilty for practicing self care?
This is something a lot of parents struggle with. Traditional gender stereotypes and social pressures often leave us in a state where we believe that we need to all things to our children and partner all of the time. We think we constantly need to be on hand to do whatever is need. And it can leave us feeling selfish or guilty when we do something for ourselves.
It's important to take time for yourself, though. You can only be a great father if you're in great mental and emotional shape yourself.
How do I stick to my new year's resolution?
Part of the reason some people don't choose new year's resolutions is because they know they'll fail or forget them within a few weeks. But choosing to try and be a better father isn't something you'll likely forget by the time Dry January is over!
Depending on what the specific resolution is you can certainly do things to keep it front and centre of your mind.
Be specific - Rather than choose 'be a better dad', be specific about the way(s) you want to be better
Make a plan - If you're planning to take more time for yourself, perhaps set a specific day or time each week or month that you're going to do something. And encourage your partner to do the same.
Set realistic goals - It's not realistic to NEVER use your phone while you spend time with the children. Instead 'using it less' is much more achievable.
Accountability - Have some method of accountability. Perhaps it's regularly checking in with your partner about if you've been more patient or ticking off every time you do your scheduled time alone.
Give it time - When resolutions are about behaviour they take time to become habit. So be patient and give it time.
