You know what goes amazingly together? Halloween and dad jokes. And the reason for that is whether you love or loathe Halloween, dad jokes make it instantly better.
Want to add some light-hearted, cringey fun to an already great Halloween event? Dad jokes. Hating every single second of a terrible Halloween party while your kids run around hyped up on sugar and need something to get you through? Dad jokes.
Regardless of whether you’re bouncing with excitement or dreading it, one thing is for sure - you need to go into activities armed with the best of the best Halloween Dad jokes.
Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. We’ve scoured the internet and brought 100 of the best Halloween Dad jokes right to you in this handy list, from spooky skeletons to petrifying pumpkins.
If you want to learn a bit more about dad jokes, the science behind them and how to perfect your delivery, check out our book A Dad Joke A Day.
Without further ado, here are the 101 best Halloween Dad jokes.
Dracula and Vampires Halloween Dad Jokes
1. Where do college vampires like to shop? Forever 21.
2. How do vampires start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
3. Where does Dracula keep his money? A blood bank.
4. What did Dracula call his interior design book? Fang-shui.
5. Why don’t vampires attack Taylor Swift? She’s got Bad Blood.
6. What’s a vampire’s least favourite meal? Steak.
7. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation.
8. I kissed a vampire last Halloween. Do you know what it felt like? A pain in the neck
9. What do you call a vampire in trouble? A grave problem.
10. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
11. What did the vampire say when she saw her reflection? Time to get a new mirror.
12. How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
13. Why were Dracula’s pancakes so terrible? He got turned into bat-ter.
14. Why do vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
15. What is a vampire’s favourite fruit? Neck-tarine.
16. How did the vampire race finish? Neck and neck.
Mummies Halloween Dad Jokes
17. Why didn’t the boy’s mother dress up for halloween? She was already a mummy.
18. What music do mummies like? Wrap music.
19. Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
20. Why don’t mummies take time off work? They’re afraid to unwind.
Witches Halloween Dad Jokes
21. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
22. What do witches call their garage? A broom closet.
23. What do you call two witches who live together? Broom mates.
24. What is a witch’s favourite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
25. What noises do witches make when they eat cereal? Snap, cackle and pop.
26. Why is it so hard trick or treating with twins? You never know which is witch.
27. What do witches use to make their hair look perfect? Scare spray.
28. What do witches ask for at a hotel? Broom service.
Ghost Halloween Dad Jokes
29. Why did the ghost take his new girlfriend to his hometown? He wanted his boo to see his old haunts.
30. What do ghosts like to eat? Spookghetti.
31. What is a ghost’s favourite yoghurt flavour? Boooooooberry
32. Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? They’ve got loads of spirit.
33. Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.
34. Why do ghosts go to the pub? For boos.
35. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
36. What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo.
37. What is a ghost’s favourite dessert? Eye-scream.
38. Where do ghosts buy their food? The ghostery store.
39. How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
40. What do ghosts love to drink? Ghoul Aid.
41. Which position do ghosts play in football? Ghoul-keeper.
42. What do ghosts wear to see better? Spooktacles.
43. Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.
44. Where do mummy and daddy ghosts take their babies during the day? Day scare.
45. How do ghosts search the web? They use ghoul-gle.
46. Why do ghosts hate rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
47. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
48. Why do ghosts go to theme parks? They love roller-ghost-ers.
49. Why can’t the man ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie (Maybe leave this one until the kids aren’t around!)
50. What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
51. What do female ghosts sing on Halloween? Ghouls just want to have fun!
52. Where do ghosts like to go shopping? Boo-tiques.
Skeleton Halloween Dad Jokes
53. Why don’t skeletons go trick or treating? They don’t have the guts.
54. Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.
55. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
56. What do you call a cleaning skeleton? A grim sweeper.
57. What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
58. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
59. What do you call a dumb skeleton? Bonehead.
60. Why did the skeleton climb the tree? A dog was chasing him.
61. What instrument do skeletons play in the band? A sax-a-bone.
62. Why didn’t the skeleton artist want to show his skull-ptures? Because his heart wasn’t in it.
63. If skeletons could be any ruler from history, who would they be? Napoleon Bone-a-Part.
64. How do skeletons know what is about to happen? They can feel it in their bones.
65. What is a skeleton’s favourite drink? A full-bodied wine.
66. What does a skeleton say before eating? Bone appetit!
Pumpkins Halloween Dad Jokes
67. Why do people think the Jack o’Lantern had a crush on the girl who carved him? Everyone could see he held a candle for her.
68. What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
69. How do you fix a broken Jack O’Lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
70. What is a pumpkin’s favourite sport? Squash.
Monsters and Zombies Halloween Dad Jokes
71. What do you get when you cross monsters and Halloween? Trolls
72. What happens to bees when they get swatted by the Walking Dead? They turn into zom-bees.
73. Where do monsters buy cookies? Ghoul scouts.
74. How many abominable snow monsters does it take to screw a lightbulb? Just one, but you have to believe in it first.
75. Which type of monster is the best dancer? The Boogeyman.
76. What goes ‘hahahaha’ right before a gigantic crash, but keeps laughing? A monster laughing its head off.
77. Why didn’t the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
78. Where do monsters like to party? At the g-rave-yard.
79. What do you call a disney film about monsters? Poca-haunt-us.
80. Why do monsters love writing books in a cemetery? Because they have great plots.
81. What do monster’s sing to each other when they’re feeling down? Always look on the fright side of life.
82. What do monsters like to watch movies on? Wide scream TVs.
Other Halloween Dad Jokes
83. Why do you see so much hair when a werewolf drops his pants? Because it’s a full moon.
84. What do horses dress up as for Halloween? Night mares.
85. What do you get when you cross Halloween with rugby? Drop ghouls.
86. Knock knock. Who’s there? Philip. Philip, who? Philip my bag with sweets NOW!
87. Why did the headless horseman start work earlier than everyone else? He wanted to get ahead.
88. What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-ween.
89. Monsters are campaigning for a national holiday. They want to call it Fangs-giving.
90. What do fisherman say on Halloween? Trick or trout.
91. Knock knock! Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, I’m not that scary!
92. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.
93. Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
94. Knock knock! Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben waiting here all day to get some candy.
95. What happened to the couple who didn’t pay their exorcist? Their house got repossessed.
96. What does Lucifer eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
97. How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.
98. What do you call a chicken that haunts your house? A poultrygeist.
99. Why didn’t the coffee bean go to the Halloween part? It was grounded.
100. Who are the werewolf’s cousins? What-wolf and when-wolf.
101. How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw!