Dad jokes are known for being toe-curlingly, eye-rollingly cringey. So what on earth are anti-jokes?
Becoming a dad officially sets you on the path towards becoming a dad-joke master. Someone who makes their young kids howl with laughter at downright silly jokes, and their older kids don their best frown as they try desperately not to break out into a smirk.
So what is an anti-joke and how does it differ from the standard dad joke?
We'll explain all and share with you some of the funniest anti jokes around.
Table Of Contents
What is an anti-joke?
An anti-joke is, quite simply, a joke that is so bad it actually ends up being funny. On that basis, you could argue that an anti-joke is the ultimate dad joke.
But dad jokes, on the face of them, actually try to funny. Whereas anti-jokes make no attempt at achieving comedy. The comedic factor often comes from the delivery or even the situation. Used in the right place, at the right time, with the right delivery, your kids might find anti-jokes funnier than they've ever found an actual joke!
How to tell an anti-joke
Just like great dad jokes, telling a great anti-joke is all in the delivery. Because the 'punchline' itself isn't funny (often it's just a matter of fact), you need to set it up as if it's going to be an absolute corker of a joke... the cringiest of the cringey dad jokes.
Perhaps what's more important, though, is the delivery of the 'punchline' itself. Because the 'answer' or the 'punchline' is usually just a contextual fact, it's best to go with a dead-pan, serious express and tone of voice.
You almost want to make the recipient of the joke feel a little silly (although not too much... we don't want to go damaging their self esteem!). This works particularly well if it's the set up of a joke they've heard a million times before, because they'll likely answer with the punchline they've heard a million times before. It gives you the opportunity to raise an eyebrow, maybe even give a little laugh playful scoff as you explain that it's obviously 'the answer'.
The very best anti-jokes
Here were go, let's kick off which some of our absolute favourite anti-jokes. There are probably some set up lines in here from jokes you've heard time and time again, which provides you with a great opportunity to catch them out!
1. What did one French guy say to the other French guy?
No idea, I don't speak French!
2. What do you call a car wash that won't wash cars anymore?
Broken.
3. Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't, numbers aren't capable of feeling fear.
4. What is a vampire's favourite food?
Vampires aren't real.
Check out 101 Halloween dad jokes and riddles here.
5. What's a pirate's favourite letter of the alphabet?
None. Historians believe that most pirates couldn't read or write.
6. If blueberries are blue and oranges are orange, why aren’t cherries cherry?
Because cherry isn’t a colour.
7. What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
8. What does a dad joke sound like in space?
Nothing, there's no sound in space.
9. What do you call a joke that isn't funny?
A sentence.
10. What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car?
Get in the car, Robin.
Check out more jokes about Batman here.
11. Want to hear something that will make you smile?
Facial muscles.
12. How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
13. A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper replies, "What? You have a drink called Steve?"
14. Why can't dinosaurs laugh?
Because they're extinct...
15. What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
16. What kind of car does a Jedi drive?
They don't drive cars. They use speeders!
Check out more amazing Star Wars dad jokes here.
17. Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone?
She tripped over a pothole.
18. Someone has an owl inside them.
Who?
You!
19. What's blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
20. What do you call a talking turtle?
Not real.
21. How tall is the Empire State Building?
One Empire State Building tall.
22. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A deer. Just because it doesn't have eyes, it doesn't change what it is.
23. What do you call a medical student who graduated last in their class?
Doctor.
24. What's funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff?
Nothing. They were my friends.
25. Why did the dinosaur eat the baby?
It didn't. Humans didn't appear until after the extinction of the dinosaurs!
26. How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, it's not a hard task.
27. What would you call Santa Claus if he didn't have any elves?
Probably still Santa Claus...
Check out more Santa jokes here.
28. Why did Katie break open her piggy bank?
She ran out of money.
29. Did you know that there’s a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due the antelope's unnaturally powerful hind legs, and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
30. What did one stranger say to the other stranger?
Nothing, they didn't know each other...
31. How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Even more brilliant anti-jokes
What did you think of those? My personal favourite is No 3. (Why was six afraid of seven?). It's brilliant because everyone has heard that joke before, so you know that they'll respond with "because seven eight nine". It just works so well as an anti-joke.
But, it's not time to rest on our laurels. We still have plenty more of the funniest anti-jokes still to come.
32. What do you get if you stand on LEGO bricks?
Hurt.
Check out more LEGO jokes here.
33. Why did the teacher tell a girl she was wearing too much makeup?
Because she was wearing too much makeup.
34. What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home?
A pigeon.
35. How do you get someone to stop swinging on the tire swing?
Cut the rope.
36. What did one ant say to the other ant?
Nothing. Ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
37. Why are cats so good at video games?
They're not. Cats can't play video games, silly!
Check out more video game jokes here!
38. What do you call someone who cuts shaves 20 times a day?
A barber.
39. You know what they say?
Words.
40. What did the man give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Something red and lots of lies.
Check out more Valentine's jokes here.
41. Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because elephants don't know what hiding is...
42. Do you know what’s odd?
Every other number.
43. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.
44. Why did the boy get sick after eating too much ice cream?
He was lactose intolerant.
45. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Stolen.
46. What is red and extremely bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.
47. How is a laser beam similar to my pet hamster?
Neither of them can whistle!
48. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
It wouldn’t be financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals somewhere in a largely unpopulated as the jungle.
49. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?
"Hello".
50. What's the funniest joke of all time?
Definitely not this one.
51. What did the doctor say to the patient?
"I'm sorry, you don't have long left to live. It's a cruel life."
52. Do you want to hear a good joke?
I don't know any. I'm just asking...
53. What makes you laugh harder than your own child?
A whoopie cushion.
54. What did two coworkers say to each other at the coffee machine?
Nothing really. They worked in different departments so didn't really know each other.
55. What’s the one thing in this human life that you can count on?
A calculator.
Knock, knock anti-jokes
Ah the humble 'knock, knock' joke. This is arguably the first joke format that kids learn so there's plenty of fun to be had with it. Even with the structure itself!
Here are 10 knock, knock anti-jokes for you.
56. Knock, knock! Who’s there? To. To who? No, “to whom.”
57. Knock, knock! Who's there? Wanna. Wanna who? Wanna hear a joke?
58. Knock, knock! Who's there? Tryna. Tryna who? Tryna tell you a joke, if you'll be quiet!
59. Knock, knock! Come in!
60. Knock, knock! Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O...
61. Knock, knock! Who's there? I am. I am who? Are you having an identity crisis?!
62. Knock, knock! Who's there? Cow says. Cow says who? No it doesn't, cows say 'moo'!
63. Knock, knock! Who's there? You know who it is, you have a smart doorbell.
64. Knock, knock! Who's there? Police. Police who? Mam, please stop playing games. We have a warrant for your arrest.
65. Knock, knock! Who's there? Your food order.
Anti-joke one liners
The one liner... a staple of comedy shows around the world. In fact, some of the world's best known comedians have made their entire careers off the back of witty one liners. Well, there's no wit about these one liners. They're blunt, to the point, often factual, and downright so unfunny that they're sure to get a heap of laughs no matter your audience!
66. A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
67. I like my coffee like I like my tea.
With milk and sugar.
Check out more funny coffee jokes here.
68. A guy walks into a bar.
Then he gets a drink and leaves.
69. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…
Then my illegal logging company is a success.
70. A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave...
as they recognise the potential danger in the situation.
71. Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end...
you would die.
72. Mary had a little lamb.
The doctor fainted!
73. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
But you do need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
74. Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
75. I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m OK.
76. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?”
The horse, not capable of understanding human language, poos on the floor and leaves.
77. Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.
78. Learn sign language.
It’s very handy.
79. I’d never tell you a pizza joke.
It’s way too cheesy.
80. A man walks into a bar.
But it was full, so he left.
81. I told my wife that she'd drawn her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised!
82. Roses are red, Violets are blue...
Some poems rhyme, I’m a really bad gardener.
83. Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
85. I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.
He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
86. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
87. "This isn't my first rodeo", the cowboy said...
...arriving at his second rodeo.
88. The NASA scientist couldn't understand why his colleagues were so confused.
He said, "It's not rocket scie...".
89. My friend asked me 'what rhymes with orange?'.
And I said 'No it doesn't'.
90. Two muffins sat in an oven, and one said "It's hot in here".
The other one said "yeah, it's probably because the oven is on 300 degrees!"
91. A bar of soap is a lot like a dream.
They're both amazing at slipping away.
92. A patient told his surgeon that he couldn't feel his legs.
"I know, I amputated your arms," the surgeon replied.
93. My wife asked me what I saw today.
I told her "everything I looked at".
94. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
But you never hear about his summer or spring or winter...
95. Friends are a lot like snow.
If you pee on them, they disappear.
96. When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill made us afraid of the light.
97. Every 60 seconds,
a minute passes.
98. You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate
and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
99. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
FAQs
What is are anti-jokes?
Anti-jokes are jokes that are so unfunny that they're funny! In fact, they're often not jokes at all. They might be facts that are set up as jokes. So, while the punchline isn't a punchline at all, people often still find them funny.
Why does an anti-joke and a dad joke sound similar?
Not really, but they're very similar! You could certainly describe some dad jokes as 'so unfunny that they're actually funny', but dad jokes aim to be a joke from the outset - there's either a punchline or a pun lined up specifically designed to be funny.
What age are anti-jokes good for?
It all depends on the joke, really. For example, a young child will likely find something like this hilarious; "What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home? A pigeon." But they probably won't understand that atoms make up everything, so you'll get nothing but a blank face.
