Dad jokes are going through something of a renaissance, and if your partner rolls her eyes and your children cry “daaaaaaad!”, then you know you’ve hit the nail on the head and have found a good one.
Sometimes you don't even need to use words to tell a great dad joke. One of my friends booked every single one of his son's dentist appointments at 2:30 for 10 years. And his son NEVER got the 'tooth hurt y' pun.
We've created this list of over 100 of the best dad jokes so you can join the dad joke Hall of Fame. Over to you dad.
Table Of Contents
What is a dad joke?
Dads joke about anything and everything. A dad joke is a one-liner, usually a pun, that’s designed to make family members half-giggle and half-groan. The humour of a dad joke is in the over-the-top punchline. It’s all about invoking a cringe.
Some of us love telling dad jokes long before we become a dad. And we are probably ridiculed for it... "That's such a dad joke!" is the usual comment. But the moment you become a dad, getting away with a cheesy dad joke is something of a right. It almost becomes expected.
From the most evergreen best dad joke puns to the event specific ones like our list of Halloween Dad Jokes or Christmas Dad Jokes, or topical ones like Star Wars Dad Jokes and LEGO jokes, you work hard to provide for your family and be a shining example to your kids.
No doubt you'll repeat corny jokes your own father told you, and in time you own kids will too. Now it's your turn to grab the privilege that’s exclusive to dads around the world. The time to become a dad joke master is here.
Here is our comprehensive list of some of the best corny dad jokes for kids that they will love to hate.
The best corny dad jokes
A corny dad joke is an excellent dad joke. And these are some of the corniest around...
1. When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes a parent.
2. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
He's fully recovered.
3. How do celebrities stay cool?
They have loads of fans.
4. What concert costs just 45 cents?
50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
5. What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
6. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10 tickles.
7. What do you call a fish with no eye?
A fsh.
8. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it!
9. After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.
10. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
11.
Why can't a leopard hide?
Because it's always spotted!
12. What do you call a tree with a briefcase?
A branch manager!
13. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
14. There’s one thing that always makes me throw up.
A dart board on the ceiling.
15. Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running from the ball!
16. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
All that was left was de brie.
17. What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament?
Live stream.
18. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tyred!
19. What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?
The Exterminator.
20. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents!
21. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-na.
22. Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on so many levels.
23. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?
A Lamborghini.
24. If you spell the words “Absolutely Nothing” backwards, you get “Gnihton Yletulosba".
Which ironically means... absolutely nothing.
25. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
26. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down!
27. I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
28. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other...
'Does this taste funny to you?'
29. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
Let out a little wine.
30. What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
31. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
32. Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It's very time consuming.
33. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
34. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Don’t wok away from me!
35. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything!
36. What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer?
The space bar.
37. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
The best dad joke puns
Corny puns are a great type of dad joke because they're sure to make a few people pause for a second while they try to work it out. And then the eye-rolling comes!
38. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese.
39. What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
"Where's Pop Corn?"
40. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta way!
41. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
42. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm?
You look for fresh prints.
43. My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public...
I said maybe!!!!!
44. What type of eggs does an evil chicken lay?
Devilled eggs.
45. Why didn't they let the fungi into the party?
There wasn't mush room.
46. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?
He needed his space!
47. I got ID'd for alcohol and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out...
The cashier said 'never mind'.
48. Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use a honey comb.
49. Why do dogs float on water so easily?
Because they're good buoys.
50. If a pig loses its voice...
Does it become disgruntled?
51. I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking her.
She's a pure bread dog.
52. What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.
53. What do you call a blind deer?
No eye deer!
54. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went...
Then it dawned on me.
55. I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie.
They really grilled me.
56. How did the lumberjack know he'd cut exactly 2,417 trees?
Because he keeps a log.
57. My wife got really mad when I told her she had no sense of direction...
She packed up her bags and right.
58. Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
59. What is a funny mountain called?
Hill-arious.
60. Is this pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
61. What kind of music do chiropractors like?
Hip pop.
62. My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said...
"I never knew my real ladder.”
63. I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
64. I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless.
65. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
66. Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday.
The rest are weekdays.
67. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.
68. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
69. What did the scarecrow win an award for?
He was outstanding in his field.
70. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
71. What did one hat say to the other?
Stay here! I'm going on ahead.
72. Why did the nurse always carry a red pen?
To draw blood.
73. What does a baby computer call its father?
Data.
The best one liner dad jokes
Everyone loves one liners. And these one liners will have your kids cackling with laughter.
74. I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger...
Then it hit me.
75. I wouldn't buy anything with Velcro...
It's a total rip-off.
76. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes...
She gave me a hug.
77. I used to hate facial hair...
Then it grew on me.
78. You heard of that new band 999MB?
They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
79. Dad jokes...
they're just how eye roll.
80. I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon...
Neil before me.
81. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance...
So I pushed her over.
82. Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving...
I told him it's because they are stationary.
83. I had to quit my job as a personal trainer because I wasn't strong enough...
So I handed in my too weak notice.
84. My wife asked me to sync her phone...
So I threw it into the ocean. I don’t know why she’s mad at me.
85. Today, my wife apologised to me for the first time ever..
She said she's sorry she ever married me!
86. In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either...
This is a running joke.
87. I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out...
Turns out, good players are hard to find.
88. Why did Jon Snow wait in line for six hours outside the Apple Store?
For the watch.
89. Have you heard of a music group called Cellophane?
They mainly wrap.
90. I don't trust stairs...
They're always up to something.
91. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
92. 5/4 of people admit they’re...
Bad at fractions.
93. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke...
But you guys didn't like it.
94. A communist joke isn’t funny...
Unless everyone gets it.
95. The wedding speeches were so emotional...
Even the cake was in tiers.
96. I always knock on the fridge door before opening it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
97. I'm on a seafood diet...
I see food and I eat it.
98. When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof...
I was shocked!
99. My boss asked why I only get sick on work days...
I said I've got a weekend immune system.
Silly and funny dad jokes
These dad jokes are just plain silly. But that doesn't mean you won't be able to win a few laughs, knee slaps, toe curls and eye rolls!
100. The Lego shop reopens tomorrow, but I recommend avoiding it for the time being...
People will be lined up for blocks.
101. Can February March?
No, but April May
102. I'm so good at sleeping...
I can do it with my eyes closed!
103. Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth....
Then it's a soap opera.
104. Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
105. If prisoners could take their own mug shots.
They’d be called cellfies.
106. What does does a lazy person wear?
Loafers.
107. Where do you learn how to make banana split?
Sundae school
108. I'm reading a horror story in braille....
Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.
109. Why did the man fall down the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
110. Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents!
111. What do you call someone who sees a robbery at the Apple Store?
An iWitness.
112. Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off?
He's all right now!
113. I gave away all my used batteries today....
Free of charge!
114. I'm not bragging, but I made six figures at the toy factory last year...
So they fired me!
115. I told my doctor I heard buzzing...
He said it’s just a bug going around.
116. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school...
It's ok, he woke up.
117. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
118. There's a new type of broom in stores...
It's sweeping the nation!
119. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
120. This graveyard looks overcrowded...
People must be dying to get in.
121. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
It was just gathering dust!
122. I had a neck brace fitted years ago...
I've never looked back since.
123. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
124. Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
125. Does anyone need an ark?
I Noah guy!
126. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs!
127. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject...
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
128. What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil.
129. I’m thinking about removing my spine...
I feel like it’s only holding me back.
130. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
131. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
132. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey
133. How do you organise a space-themed party?
You planet.
134. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says...
“I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
135. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...
But then I turned myself around.
136. I went to buy some camouflage trousers today...
But I couldn’t find any.
137. Have you heard the joke about the bed?
It hasn’t been made up yet.
138. What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds.
139. I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought,
“I can’t turn that down.”
140. Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?
Because he was always lost at C.
141. I was late for my bus driver job interview...
They said I was hired!
FAQs
Why do dads love telling dad jokes?
Telling dad jokes is all about creating connection with loved ones and having fun.
According to Professor Robert Pierce from the University of Rochester in New York, the telling of dad jokes gives dads a way of creating and maintain connection with their children that "can't be misconstrued as sexual in nature or deemed aggressive". He went on to explain that "dad jokes tend to be calming, not angry, and are simple enough that anyone, even a little kid, can get them".
Research suggests that the left side of the brain processes the language of dad jokes first, while the right side takes a moment to catch up to the ambiguous dual meaning. It's those moments that provide a super-awkward silence that can leave a dad feeling giddy as he waits for for his children to squirm. If everyone laughs, then a connection has been made, and it's a fantastic dad joke.
What makes a great dad joke?
There's two things that really make a great dad joke. It has to be cringey, and it has to be simple. In order for it to be simple, you really need to be aware of your audience. The age of your children will depend on which dad jokes you can tell, otherwise you run the risk of them not understanding the joke.
