Dads and coffee go together like, well, dads and jokes. The most popular beverage in the world is a necessity for many parents thanks to sleepless nights - dad’s morning coffee keeping the motor running smoothly, allowing for optimum dad joke potential.
Parents are almost solely responsible for keeping the coffee industry running, mainly because every day offers up a latte problems to deal with! As a caffeine addict, I'm sure that when you're making coffee, whether it's an instant cup or bottomless coffee from a filter machine, you're thinking about that coffee lift.
Your morning coffee may be black, con leche or with a nice bit of syrup - much like our list of coffee jokes. There's a wide variety of options available for coffee addicts, and an equally large number of puns waiting to happen. For example, how do you know you're thinking too much about coffee at home? You say 'Hey Barista! Instead of "Hey Babe"!
So whether you're looking to make yourself or your kids laugh or groan over your morning cup of coffee grab yourself a hot cup of joe, settle in and prepare to spit it over your keyboard with your new favorite coffee jokes. Cool beans!
Table Of Contents
70 of the best coffee jokes
1. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of coffee?
It made him too jumpy.
2. What do brave coffee grounds do?
They take the plunge.
3. What’s a coffee’s favorite spell?
4. Where does one cup of coffee talk to another?
At a coffee break.
5. How does a coffee profess its love?
"I love you a latte!"
6. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
Doc, I can't espresso how much I've bean needing my coffee fix!
7. A man went to his doctor and complained that every time he drinks coffee, he gets a stabbing pain in his right eye
The doctor said, "Have you tried taking the spoon out of your cup before drinking?"
8. What do you call sad coffee?
9. Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch?
Because he was pressed for time.
10. What did the mommy coffee bean say when the naughty little coffee bean came home late?
Where have you bean?
11. I saw one coffee lover arguing with another the other day.
It was a very heated debate.
12. What else is is called when you steal someone's coffee?
Grounds for revenge!
13. What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
“What’s Sumatra with you?”
14. Why did the coffee marry the milk jug?
It was meant to bean!
15. Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would commit a crime for a cup of coffee...
She's a brewing criminal.
16. Why do you buy a large coffee when you have a lot to complain about?
Because you need to venti.
17. Why do I not like hot drinks?
It’s just not my cup of tea.
18. What’s a feline’s favorite espresso drink?
Best mug of coffee jokes
Whether you drink out of a mug or a cup, you'll enjoy these puns!
19. If the local coffee shop has awarded you “Employee of the Month” and you don't even work there …
You must be a mug-nificent customer.
20. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged
21. What's it called when you steal someone's coffee?
22. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
Just off down the police station to look at a few mug shots.
23. What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?
A happy cup-le.
24. What did the coffees say before their night out?
Let’s stir up some trouble!
Best coffee shop jokes
Maybe you'll find your favourite cafe customers joke among this set! You can leave the coffee shop carrying comedy as well as a drink named after you!
25. What do you call it when you feel like you're drinking coffee in the same coffee shop as before?
26. How does Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?
Because you can't put a price on sitting in a comfy chair and pretending to work on your laptop.
27. What's a barista's favourite morning mantra?
28. A guy walks into a café and orders a coffee to go
The coffee replies, "Sorry, I'm staying."
29. How does a barista wake up in the morning?
"Rise and grind!"
30. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?
The French press.
31. Why was the coffee shop worker fired?
He kept showing up in a tea-shirt.
32. Why did the coffee shop close for the day?
Because a storm was brewing.
33. A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”
34. “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”
“Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
35. Why’d you have to leave the coffee shop to get some fresh air?
It was too muggy inside!
36. What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?
S T A R B U C K S.
37. Never make fun of a barista...
...they will roast you!
Best coffee beans jokes
If you like your coffee fresh, then you need to grind it from beans. Here are some jokes to get you in at the ground floor.
38. What did the espresso say to the coffee bean?
You crack me up!
39. How are coffee beans like kids?
They're always getting grounded.
40. Who forgot to clean the coffee maker?
Come on, spill the beans.
Best coffee jokes one liners
Sometimes you just need a simple one-liner to pop out when you're waiting for your coffee to brew.
41. When you’re craving a cup of coffee, always remember...
...that the ends justify the beans.
42. Some people lift weights.
Personally, I prefer to French press (ever get that feeling of Déjà-brew?).
43. You spilled your entire cup of coffee?
What's sumatra with you?
44. She drank so much coffee at work...
...she considered it part of her daily grind.
45. I do some of my best thinking over coffee.
I tend to have a latte on my mind.
46. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee…
Safe tea first, though.
47. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino...
...but it was all froth and no substance.
48. “This coffee has no milk or sugar,”
She said, bitterly.
49. Affogato to tell you something:
You’re the greatest.
Best espresso coffee jokes
The basis for every time you make or buy coffee, an espresso is the beginning of your coffee adventure every day!
50. What does a coffee lover say when they want to ask their crush out on a date?
"Do you espresso yourself? Because I think you're brew-tiful."
51. Why did the coffee cup keep checking his watch?
Because it was time to espresso himself.
52. What did the barista’s Valentine say?
I can’t espresso my love for you.
Best niche coffee jokes
A little bit of knowledge can help with these jokes - more play on words than direct coffee puns!
53. How does a tech guy drink coffee?
He installs Java
54. How did Henry VIII like his coffee?
With a little "off with the froth!"
55. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
56. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Best musical coffee jokes
Cafe music is a genre in its own right, so why not have a separate section for musical coffee jokes?
57. What's coffee's favorite karaoke song?
'You're Brew-tiful' by James Blunt
58. What's coffee's favorite karaoke song if that's not available?
'Hit Me With Your Best Shot' by Pat Benetar
59. What's a coffee lover's favourite Beatles song?
60. What’s a coffee lover’s favourite dance?
61. What’s its favourite Bob Marley song?
'Don’t Worry, Be Frappé'
62. What does Dolly Parton sing to her barista?
The best coffee snob jokes
We all know someone who cares quite a bit about their cup of coffee. Perhaps they love to discuss coffee, or they care about which coffee factory their carefully sourced beans come from. And there's nothing wrong with that!
63. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?
It becomes grounds for divorce.
64. There are two kinds of people in the world…
Those who love coffee and those who haven't had their first cup yet.
65. People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning
"No," I say, "I just bring him some coffee."
66. What did the coffee lover name his son?
Best decaf coffee jokes
Of course it's not all about the caffeine. Sometimes you need the taste but not the buzz.
67. What do you call a cow who's just given birth?
68. What kind of coffee do vampires drink?
69. Why did the decaf coffee date the herbal tea?
They were both looking for a mellow relationship.
70. How does decaf coffee say goodbye?
It waves, but not too energetically.
If you haven't had too much coffee by now, let us know what your favorite coffee joke is, or if you've got one we haven't featured, in the community.
Why are coffee jokes good for dads?
Nobody likes a bored coffee drinker! Sometimes, a dad telling a joke is like when you have too much espresso and you need to burn off lots of energy. Most of us sit down with a coffee mug in the morning and it makes sense that we like to try and make our family, and ourselves, laugh! They're probably best kept in the safety of the home, and not told to baristas at coffee shops.
What makes a great coffee joke?
Classic dad jokes are all about word play - and it's no different with coffee puns. Coffee jokes are good as they speak to the coffee drinker in your life. They lend themselves to puns, not only in what makes a great cup of coffee but the culture around it. There is so much coffee in our lives that everyone can relate. Pick something related to coffee and play around with the sounds