We've got loads of funny jokes across the DaddiLife website, from corny dad jokes to superhero jokes. But what if you want only the funniest jokes?!
We're not just serving up a collection of jokes you'd throw in the 'funny joke' category. No, no. These are the jokes that reach the upper echelons of dad jokes. The hilarious jokes. The amazingly funny jokes. The funniest jokes around.
Enjoy!
Table Of Contents
30 of the absolute funniest jokes
Boy do we have some cracking jokes lined up for you today. Comedy is subjective, of course, but we think we know a good joke when we hear one. And these are right up there. There's only one word to describe these jokes, and that's GOAT. Tell these jokes to your kids, your family, your friends - you'll be the dad joke grandmaster!
1. When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar...
2. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
3. What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bull-dozer!
4. Why did the pony have to gargle the medicine?
Because it was a little horse!
5. Why did Wonder Woman refuse to date Mr Freeze?
Because he gave her the cold shoulder.
6. What do you call someone who shaves 50 times a day but still has facial hair?
A barber!
7. Why is there no gambling on safari?
Too many cheetahs!
8. Why can't a bike stand up?
Because it's two-tired!
9. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me!
10. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "hey!"
The horse says "Sure, why not?".
11. What clothes does a house wear?
Address!
12. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
13. Why did the deer need braces?
It had buck teeth!
14. What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels!
15. Did you hear about the guy who had his left side cut off?
He's all right now.
16. Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs!
17. How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side...
Check out more Stars Wars jokes here
18. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says...
"We don't serve breakfast here, sorry"
19. What do you call a coffee mug with a hole in the bottom?
Completely useless!
20. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it!
21. The Dalai Lama goes to a hotdog stand and asks for a hotdog.
The vendor gives him the hotdog and asks for £4.
The Dalai Lama gives him a £5 note, but the vendor doesn't give him any change.
"Where is my change?" the Dalai Lama asks.
The vendor says, "Change only comes from within".
22. At the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance for her.
So I pushed her over!
23. What kind of shoes do bananas wear?
Slippers!
24. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown!
25. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
26. I lost my job as a psychic...
...I didn't see it coming!
27. Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing!
28. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo...
...So I had to put my foot down!
29. What did one wall say to the other?
Meet you in the corner!
30. What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here, I'll go on a head...
Looking for a seriously funny joke? We've got 25 right here...
31. What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells...
32. What award does a dentist get?
A little plaque.
33. How do celebrities stay cool in summer?
They have many fans!
34. Why is it never a good idea to eat a clock?
Because it's time consuming!
35. What type of vehicle do pigs drive?
Pig-up trucks!
36. Why did the robber take a bath?
He wanted a clean getaway!
37. I was going to cook alligator for dinner tonight...
... but I haven't got a croc pot!
38. Why do golfers bring two pairs of trousers?
In case they get a hole in one!
39. Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty bodies!
40. What time did the dad book his kids' dentist appointment?
Tooth hurty!
41. What do you call a dinosaur in a car crash?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
42. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says...
..."Why the long face?"
43. What do you call a car that runs out of petrol?
A Ford Siesta...
44. I lost my job at the calendar factory...
...I took too many days off!
45. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because it was outstanding in its field!
46. What do bees chew?
Bumble gum!
47. I wanted to buy some camouflage trousers...
...But I couldn't find any!
48. What is the shortest month of the year?
May. It only has three letters!
49. Why is cold faster than hot?
Because you can catch a cold!
50. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn so much?
Because he had a great fall!
51. Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
52. What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
53. Did you hear about the cartoonist who was found dead at home?
Details are sketchy!
54. Why is 'dough' another word for 'money'?
Because everyone kneads it.
55. I tried to catch the fog yesterday...
...but I mist it.
Even more funny jokes
56. Why don't sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
57. What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A stick!
58. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head!
59. How did the old man find the newspaper he lost?
He searched every nook and granny!
60. My baby girl is a genius! I asked her what two minus two is...
...she said nothing!
61. How does a pastry chef know when they're getting old?
Age crepes up on them.
62. I finished the puzzle in two minutes...
...it said 2-4 years on the box!
63. I couldn't figure out why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger...
...then it hit me!
64. What type of joke does a ruler love?
One liners!
65. Why do barbers make great taxi drivers?
They know a lot of short cuts!
66. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
He's a pain in the neck!
67. What do you call a patronising bear?
A pan-duhhhh!
68. How do you make an octopus laugh?
Give it ten tickles!
69. What do you call jokes without punch lines?
...
70. Did you hear about the guy who saw someone stealing a phone from the Apple Store?
He's an iWitness!
71. My baby girl is a genius! I asked her what two minus two is...
...she said nothing!
72. What do you call a mountain that makes you laugh?
Hill-arious...
73. What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
Milkshake!
74. Why do pancakes always win at cricket?
They have the best batter!
75. Did you hear about the cross-eyed optician?
They never saw eye-to-eye with their patients.
76. How do you know when a toilet is embarrassed?
It gets flushed!
77. How do farmers keep count of their cattle?
They use a cow-culator!
78. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
Halloumi!
79. Why do French people eat snails?
They don't like fast food!
80.Did you hear about the stonemason's son?
Apparently, he's a chip off the old block!
81. Why was the painting arrested?
It was framed!
82. How do you know if a vampire is sick?
It starts coffin!
83. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents!
84. What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador!
85. Why did the frog get the bus to work?
Its car got toad away...
86. Where do cows go on dates?
The moooooovies
87. Why does no one sit next to basketball players when they're eating?
Because they're always dribbling!
88. What do cats do after a fight?
They hiss and make up!
FAQs
Why are these seriously funny jokes?
Seriously?! You need to ask that question? All you need to do is read them and deliver a couple to your kids to understand why they rank at the top of the hilariously funny joke charts.
What makes a very funny joke?
Jokes are subjective, but there are two things that make them extra funny.
1) Audience - knowing your audience is essential for telling jokes. Cracking off a joke about Star Wars to someone who has never watched it isn't going to get a big laugh. Tell it to a Star Wars nerd, and you're getting a very different reaction!
2) Delivery - Telling dad jokes is all about the delivery. You have to go over the top, leave long pauses, add your own exaggerated laughs, slap your own knee etc. Your family will really appreciate you practicing on them. They definitely won't get tired of it.
