DaddiLife
  • Home
  • Family
    • Modern Fatherhood
    • Trying
    • Expecting
    • New Dad
    • Stay At Home Dad
    • Separation
    • Single Dads
    • Step Dads
  • Things To Do
    • Kids at Home
    • Newborn
    • Toddler
    • 5 – 10
    • 10+
  • Health
    • Dad Jokes
    • Fitness
    • Family Meal Recipes
    • Safety
    • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
    • Work / Life Balance
    • Money
    • Education
    • Sports
    • Gear
  • Book Squad
  • Reviews
    • Gift Ideas
    • Family Fun
    • Toys
  • Dads at Work
    • Guides for Dads at Work
    • Case Studies
    • Q&A
    • Mentoring Programme
  • Join
  • About
  • Contact Us
  • Privacy Policy
  • Write With Us
  • Home
  • Family
    • Modern Fatherhood
    • Trying
    • Expecting
    • New Dad
    • Stay At Home Dad
    • Separation
    • Single Dads
    • Step Dads
  • Things To Do
    • Kids at Home
    • Newborn
    • Toddler
    • 5 – 10
    • 10+
  • Health
    • Dad Jokes
    • Fitness
    • Family Meal Recipes
    • Safety
    • Wellness
  • Lifestyle
    • Work / Life Balance
    • Money
    • Education
    • Sports
    • Gear
  • Book Squad
  • Reviews
    • Gift Ideas
    • Family Fun
    • Toys
  • Dads at Work
    • Guides for Dads at Work
    • Case Studies
    • Q&A
    • Mentoring Programme
  • Join

DaddiLife

The parenting website for dads

The Rise of the Modern Day Dad

These days, dads are doing it better

written by DaddiLife 28th January 2017
dad, daddy, new dads, better dads

We hear a lot about changes in the gender landscape these days. Women are breaking down barriers. Girls are crowding into universities and colleges, and a new report says the attitude to family is changing. Still, there’s a dramatic story that’s hardly been told. Fatherhood is being transformed. Peter West explores how, and why?

Traditional fatherhood

dad, daddy, new dads, better dads

Up to about the late 1960s, work was seen as done by men. Nearly all men were breadwinners. They worked hard, long hours, six days a week in some cases. In most Western countries Sunday was seen as a day for church and rest. Mother stayed in the home to cook, clean  and watch over the children. In the words of the men I interviewed for a book about how men changed in Australia, men worked outside, women worked inside. If a child misbehaved, Mother would say ‘just wait till your father gets home’. These ominous words made children fearful. Many boys in Australia caught misbehaving were told to go down to the end of the yard and wait for a thrashing. A father was seen as the rightful parent, as it were; perhaps mother was a kind of deputy. His role was to protect, perform and provide for his family. And a man who could not do all of these things was pitied.

What changed?

Women charged into the workforce from the late sixties onwards. This helped force a re-thinking of what each sex did. In many families, mothers now worked as many hours as fathers; sometimes more. No longer could a father hurry out the door at 6:30 or 7:30 am and return around six, perhaps after a few beers with his mates, and expect to find his dinner on the table and the family assembled. As we moved into the 1990s and ‘noughties’ work became increasingly casualised and manufacturing declined in countries like the USA and Australia. Yet there were  doors opening. Many of us urged men to grasp the opportunities they were offered and become fathers actively engaged in their kids’ lives. In the words of Letty Pogrebin, we emboldened guys to ‘be the father you wish you’d had.’

New dads

Weekends are made for more of these moments. #daddilifeoftheday by @bowlzee ?

A photo posted by A Community Of Fatherhood (@daddilife) on Jan 20, 2017 at 9:07am PST

What are the new dads like? Many want to be there at the birth of their children. When I barged in to see my youngest born in 1975, some harridan barked at me- ‘Would you please leave!’ I doubt that this would happen any more. Mums and dads go together to classes about the new arrival. Community nurses counsel dad about how to change and care for baby. Websites have appeared suggesting ways a dad can bond with his baby.  The new dad is determined to be a better man and take an equal share in parenthood.  There are important changes happening. Teachers find that on parent-teacher night, they sometimes meet up with two mums  or two dads. TV series have been made on some of the newer varieties of fatherhood and it’s clear that the roles dads play are distinctive. Dads are likely to teach their children about the outside world. ‘What job do you think you’ll do? What are you good at? Look at this stupid politician!’

Women nurture, men play

These guys are ready for a weekend of cruising! ? #daddilife

A video posted by A Community Of Fatherhood (@daddilife) on Jan 21, 2017 at 1:03am PST

The contrast between the sexes can be seen early.  Simon Baron Cohen says 99 per cent of girls play with dolls at age six. Barely 17 percent of boys do. It’s far more common for boys to play with guns. Childcare experts ‘tut tut’ in vain. Deprived of all guns, boys will make one, maybe by biting the middle out of a sandwich. A UK report said boys will play ‘guns’ and they should be allowed to do so.

Women seem to nurture more often than men, They coo and sing to kids. Meantime Dad plays peek-a-boo. He does antics to make his kid laugh. He encourages his kids to play sport and kicks a ball around. Dads read to kids differently from Mums. Fathering has been shown to have huge benefits for kids, not least that they learn more and feel more secure. And fathering helps Dad know he’s valued and loved. He becomes happier at work and at home.

Challenges

There has been so much change in gender that we aren’t as certain about all this as we were. One in three Americans are part of a step-family. One in eight  Australian families are headed up by mothers. Divorce and separation are commonplace and mothers usually get custody (though there are complications and variations).  Social commentators have warned of the social consequences of children growing up without the guidance of a father. We worry that in many families today, fathers are missing in action.   We have ‘fly in, fly out’ jobs done by fathers who work thousands of miles from their family home. And some have argued that many  men are so aggressive and violent as to be not worth having around children. Meanwhile, there are arguments every week about who does housework. No longer is it enough for dad to take kids to sport and put out the garbage. Perhaps Dad decides to wash up or mop the floor and then someone feels that his work is not up to standard. Uh oh- here we go again!  There are cultural differences in families, but I’ve heard these arguments on four continents.

Summing up

Still, some truths remain. Children want their father’s love. The most passionate stories in my study of men are from a  man expressing his love for his dad. ‘Did you love him?’ I asked of one man. ‘Desperately,’ he replied. Men who lost their dad expressed this more than any: ‘ I never hugged him till the day he died. It would have been great to get a hug from Dad’.

I see dads with their kids in the gym change-rooms, in a train or at the shops. A boy is chattering away ‘Dad there’s this kid at school and he said that in his country …’. Let’s hope Dad is listening! I saw a little girl today climbing inside the back of her dad’s T shirt as he chatted with another man. ‘Hey Dad! I’m here! Talk to me!’ she might have said. Dads, put your phone away and stop fiddling with F—- Book.   We know you have a million things to do- but don’t forget your most important job is to be a good dad. When you’re 70 or 90, you won’t say to yourself ‘Gee, I wish I’d spent more time at work!’ But dads often say ‘I wish I’d spent more time with my kids’. The good news is that many guys have heard the message. A recent UK report says most fathers insist on spending more time with their kids. It’s great to hear that young men  are determined to be the best dad a kid could ever have.

About the author

Peter West was a difficult boy who would not keep still, said the nuns at St Declan’s, Penshurst, south of Sydney, Australia. Many years later Peter noticed something odd. In their first two years, we teach children to walk and talk. Then, for the next 16 years, we tell them to sit down and shut up. Peter teaches part-time at the University of Technology, Sydney and gives workshops on educating boys.  He wrote Fathers, Sons and Lovers: Men Talk about Their Lives from the 1930s to Today (Sydney, Finch) and What is the Matter with Boys (Choice Books, Sydney).

These days, dads are doing it better was last modified: August 25th, 2021 by DaddiLife

Related

being a better daddaddaddilifeDaddydads better
5 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
DaddiLife

dad, daddy, things to do with the kids, chinese new year
previous post
DaddiLifeForce – Chinese New Year
dad, daddy, things to do with the kids, lost my name
next post
DaddiLifeForce – the magic of story time

You may also like

The rise of the modern day dad...

28th October 2016

Luke Pieczynski – The Post-It Dad

18th May 2016

DaddiLife Beliefs

2nd May 2016

A modern day dad pioneer

7th February 2017

5 comments

Peter West 3rd March 2017 at 7:11 am

People seem to be sharing this very widely. Could someone explain how that’s done, and where it’s being shared?
I’m happy for that, of course. Maybe people are pleased to have some good news these days.

Reply
DaddiLife 3rd March 2017 at 11:26 am

Perhaps it’s just a great piece Pete. 🙂

Reply
How to raise happier boys - Helping regular guys become superhero dads 6th April 2017 at 10:34 am

[…] This is one of the most challenging things you will ever do. But you enjoy a challenge, right? And the rewards are fantastic. […]

Reply
We need to think differently about SAHDs - Helping regular guys become superhero dads 8th July 2017 at 7:10 pm

[…] one from George of @sahdnesscomic is a particular gem. Dad’s have evolved from the steoretype of ‘come-home from work, straight into arm-chair’ mode into ‘work is […]

Reply
Podcast: First Time Dads - DaddiLife 15th January 2018 at 7:48 pm

[…] work with a new baby creates its own particular challenges. What’s more, many dads want to be far more involved in all aspects of childcare than previous generations, even if it often means flying (feeding, […]

Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Audiobooks for Dads

Get the latest dad news




Popular Things to Do

  • A Parent’s Guide To Tuff Trays

  • DaddiLifeForce – The Power of Lego

  • DaddiLifeForce – New Years 2017

  • DaddiLifeForce – Chinese New Year

  • Tuff Tray Ideas: Some great ideas for creative tuff trays

Writers Community

Write for DaddiLife


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Youtube

© 2017 - DaddiLife. All Right Reserved. DaddiLife is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.


Back To Top
 

Loading Comments...