DaddiLifeForce brings you weekly inspiration curated from the community, to turn average time into more winning dad moments. This week we’re delighted that Christian from DaddyMoesby in Norway, is taking charge, and changing the way we manage those toddler tantrums. Over to you Christian!
We’ve all been embarrassed, at some point in our lives, but nothing will ever be as embarrassing as a toddler “misbehaving” in public. The looks we get, from the public. The judgement. And sometimes we doubt our parenting ways.
As a new parent, we try to do our best, to make sure that our kids will never misbehave. Am I right?
The first year, even though many kids are awake at night, seems pretty easy, compared to when that little brat is throwing themselves onto the supermarket floor, screaming, crying and refusing to come along nicely before they get their way.
Sometimes it feels easier to just give in, than to stand your ground. If you tried this, you will also know that the next time you have to say no, you will still have to face yet another tantrum.
Standing your ground will not make it go away completely. But it will make it easier, when your child gets older.
What are toddler tantrums?
Tantrums stem from your child’s needs and wishes to be independent, while also testing the boundaries, to see where they fit in the world. It is a positive and a healthy thing to have stubborn child who knows what it wants, as long as they don’t always get their way.
At years 1-2, the outburst seems to be the worst. This is due to frustration over not being able to communicate as well. The more words and gestures you teach your child at this stage, the less outbursts you might see. Yet your child will still not be able to control its emotions.
At age 2-3, communicating is easier, still having a hard time controlling emotions.
From 3-5, you can talk about how to handle the child’s emotions.
How to handle toddler tantrums
- Control yourself: Remember you’re always in control of the situation
- Prepare: Kids like predictability so prepare them for what’s about to happen
- Ignore: This isn’t as negative as it sounds, and revolves around giving your child the right space, even in public.
- Empathy and expression: Understand their frustration and that their frustration is okay
- Modify your learnings: Your child learns most from you, so make sure to keep your rising anger in check.
The three stages of toddler development means each stage has to be approached differently. But there are somethings I tend, to do with all my kids, that I find really useful.
1. Control yourself
First tip is to control yourself, and keeping calm. Take control over the situation. Understanding this is normal and happens to every parent.
2. Prepare
This might be one of the overlooked things as parents rushing trough the day.
Prepare your child for what is going to happen. Kids like predictability, so make sure you tell them, what is up and where you are going. Referring to something well know, causes less stress for the child, and it knows what is going down. They understand more than we give them credit for.
3. Ignore
This is the most difficult and hardest thing to do.
We want to tell them off, to make it all better, in hope they will understand. But what happens when you get confronted when already mad, is that you get even more pissed off!
So as long as the child doesn’t hurt anyone or do something bad, just ignore them, or at least pretend to.
Ignoring isn’t as negative as it sounds. It only means giving space. If the child doesn’t hurt anyone, or break things, let them be. The tantrum will pass. A tantrum doesn’t last long, it just seems like it at times.
So what about in public?
Of course in public it is much harder to ignore, as we will be feeling embarrassed. There are somethings you can do, if your child wants a certain item.
Before the child’s outburst, you are introduced to a wish or a need for something. Negotiating and compromises are allowed at this point.
Give your child a maximum of 3 choices that you feel are the best alternatives. Giving the child a choice will make them feel they have something to say, and might ease the rest of the journey.
But if your child regrets their choice, stand firm, and ignore the outburst. Remember there is nothing to do other than accepting your child is in that state of mind.
Should I still purchase the item, if continuously outburst?
It is all up to you, putting back the item or not, will not make the difference of the outburst. The chances are that the child has already forgotten about the item they really wanted. I tend not to purchase in this case if I’m not sure if my child would like it or not when finished shopping.
4. Empathy & Expression
Try to empathize with your child. Let them know that you understand their frustration and that their frustrations are okay. Again as long it doesn’t hurt anyone.
Your child won’t stop screaming, and now you wanna scream too!?
Try thinking differently about how to get your child to express themselves. This idea from Legacy Learning is a highly original way to form expression in a different way. Remember to calm yourself down, and don’t overthink. Continue shopping, and ignore the outburst or at least pretend to ignore. When the child’s behavior is acceptable again, compliment the child for calming down. Acknowledging gives them a sense of pride.
5. The child learns from you
Last thing to remember is, that the child learns from you and other adults close to it. Don’t overprotect but be aware of your own rage and frustrations. My best advice if you can’t handle your own emotions, find an anger management course, do yoga, or even do it with them!
It might also help teach you things to pass onto your child.
What’s your #daddilifeforce move?
We want to feature the very best dad tips each week. So if you’ve tried any of these or if you have one you want us to feature just tag #daddilifeforce into them or DM them into us.
Let’s keep those dad-moments strong. ?
